Badass Blogger Award

My good friend and fellow scooter gang member, Dish, presented SB with this here award, so I just thought I'd give a shout out to that ho (SHOUT OUT!), and say my ass appreciates that shit. It takes a Badass to know a Badass.

Actually, I know a lot of Badasses, but I'm not passing this shit on to anyone, because then the whole process gets too damn much like those idiotic chain e-mails you get that say if you are my fucking friend send this shit back to me and so on and so forth. The insanity stops here, my friends. Perhaps this is not very generous of SB, but fuck it. I could give a rat's fuck.

That being said, I love you, Dish! Thanks for the honor. I am so glad I virtually met you. You enrich my life, ho.

Craigslist May Not Be the Best Place to Try and Find a Date

hey whats up I saw you on craigslist

My name is Isaac, and I have a proposal for you. I just wanted to know if this is something that you would be open minded to do. It’s a complete shot in the dark but I thought I could ask anyways. what the hell you only live once.

I was wondering if you would be possibly open to rip farts on my head/face? I have a fetish where I actually get turned on hearing a guy or girl fart. It’s just a weird fetish that I’ve had my entire life. When i was a teenager i wrestled a lot, and my friends used to rip ass a lot and thats how it all started. My ex girl used to fart as well and that turned me on too.

I’m a real chill and down to earth guy. I’m only 25 years old, white.. I’m a pothead and stoner, completely harmless bro. im a real nice and honest guy. just trying to find someone who can fulfill my fetish.

I would be down to give you cash upfront if this is something you think you would be down to do. How much would you want? Do you fart a lot?

This isn’t anything sexual. . I just want your farts. im mostly str8, i dont talk or act gay, im one of those guys you can have a beer with. this is 100% serious and real. i just want to meet up and chill out.

i could easily get a hotel room near you, and we can chill out there, smoke, watch tv or a movie and whenever you gotta rip ass you just fart on my face thats it. its fn hard to find someone who farts a lot. i would be willing to do whatever it takes to make this happen. i want to make sure your comfortable as possible as well.

i know it would be weird at first but once you get to know i dont think you will have a problem at all. i wouldnt want you to feel uncomfortable im too nice of a guy.

Please let me know if are interested. I have a pic I can send you. If your offended or not interested, thats no problem dude. Like I said it was a short in the dark. But if you fart a lot and want to make some money then I think it’s something you should definately consider. and dude if you fart a lot then we can easily do this like 2-3 times a month so if you need some recurring incomes then this would be perfect for you.

im actually mostly straight, love women. i dont associate myself with even being gay, i dont talk or act gay or anything. im pretty much a regular guy. except for the fact i got a weird fetish and i can get turned on hearing a girl or guy fart. thats ;pretty much it.

please let me know if your down for this and i can send you some pics.

Peace bro!

Quick Post Today

Apologies blog family, but just time for a quick post today.

The REALLY AND TRULY FINAL deadline on my project is today, and I also have two more things that have cropped up here at work that I need to take care of by end of day. On top of that, we have a two-hour mandatory company-wide luncheon/meeting today, so I will be short two fucking hours to get everything done. Happy Friday!

On top of that, I found out last night that Ginger (my asshole-licking dog) has fucking fleas! I grew up with animals in the country, and never in my life have I had to deal with a flea infestation. The vet surmised that one of my new kittens may have brought them in. Yippee! And the maintenance medicine that the vet has Ginger on evidently makes her a magnet for fleas. Would have been nice if they had mentioned that earlier. Oddly, I had no trace of the fleas in my house and no bites on me. When I gave Ginger a bath last week, thinking she had some sort of skin rash, there weren't even any fleas in the damn bath water. I had no idea she was infested until the vet found them on her last night.

So much for a nice relaxing pre-Thanksgiving weekend. My ass was up to midnight last night, putting flea treatment on all the cats and washing bedding and shit and vacuuming every-fucking-goddamn-inch of the downstairs, including furniture. The forecast for SB is more of that shit tonight, tomorrow, and Sunday. Plus the vet gave me some spray that I have to spray on the furniture and carpet. I called my sister in tears last night.

If any of you dear folks have dealt with fleas in the past and have any good tips, PLEASE, PLEASE, let me know. With 8 pets, I need to get rid of this shit and FAST! I will flea bomb if necessary, but am trying to avoid that, because of the mess I'm told it makes and because I have three kittens that I don't wish to poison with toxic fumes.

Have a good weekend all. I should be back to regular blogging (I hope) on Monday. Excuse my lack of comments on your blogs today. I don't think I'm going to have a lot of time for reading.

Love, SB.

The Infamous Uncle Gene

I do see a family resemblance. Definitely. It's the attitude, man.

[Thanks to Sheila and Jon for the photo. SB loves you guys!]

From Evil Bunny to Evel Knievel

This shit in the picture is sort of disappointing, especially if you are the age of myself or say, Johnny Depp. We both idolized Evel, growing up. All the kids did. In fact, Johnny once said he wanted to BE Evel when he grew up. You know why? Here's a lesson for you dumb young punks who idolize Paris Hilton and that crazy dumb ass, Lady Gaga--BECAUSE EVEL WAS COOL. He had balls the size of Canada. That fucker would jump over anything on his motorcycle, and motherfucker BROKE EVERY BONE IN HIS BODY in his lifetime. How's that for nads? [Or possibly stupidity. Nah--it was nads--I'm sticking with that.]

So you can sort of imagine my disappointment at running across the ad above. Frankly, I don't wish to remember Evel in this fashion.

SB is coveting Evel's scooter though. There's even a basket for a six-pack in the front! DAMN. The Pride Legend is clearly the Cadillac of scooters.

[Little Known Trivia: Did you know that Evel had a son named Stevel Knievel?

You can only finding exciting, but little-known, trivia like this at Sarcastic Bastard. NOWHERE ELSE.]

This One's for My Brother Nick, Who Digs Evil Teddy Bears

Jesus Christ, if I was the kid, I'd have nightmares about this shit. EVIL EVIL BUNNY.

Colorado Christian Thanks for Visiting!

Somebody from someplace called Colorado Christian just visited my blog for 5 seconds! That made me laugh. That's all it took--5 seconds--to figure out Sarcastic Bastard is not a nice Christian blog.

I'm going to have to work harder. It should have only taken 1 second.

Shit SB Says

Facebook sucks.

Some Dumb Motherfucker

Some dumb motherfucker walked up to me yesterday and asked how the cats are doing and how many I have now. When I responded that I have 7 cats, that dumb motherfucker, thinking he was SO WITTY and pleased as fucking punch with himself, said: "They're going to start calling you the crazy cat lady. When you die, they'll probably eat you." He chuckled then, very satisfied at how fucking funny he thought he was, and walked away. BEFORE I KILLED HIM.

Oh God, isn't that hysterical?! I simply have never had anyone refer to me as a "crazy cat lady" before. How original! FUCK YOU, YOU FUCK FUCKING DUMB ASS BORE OF A MOTHERFUCKER. If you think my ass is sitting anywhere near you at the company X-mas party, you can lick my sphincter, you BIG FUCKING BORE. [I know all this ranting makes me sound mentally unbalanced. NEWSFLASH: I am!]

Anyhoo, that shit made SB an itsy bit angry, especially since it happened before 10:00. Not that ANY AMOUNT OF COFFEE IN THE WORLD EVER would ever fucking improve an encounter with the office blowhard, who is the typical LOUD motherfucker everybody knows (every office or tour bus has one!), who just thinks he is the wittiest funniest person who ever gifted the fucking planet.

This man is SO NOT witty, and SB should know from witty, because my ass was voted wittiest in high school. I am the Queen of that shit, and don't you forget it.

On another subject, my deadline has been extended until today on the work project. It was a bit more complex than we had previously planned on. The crazy cat lady (har, har!) will be back tomorrow, and hopefully this motherfucking work shit will be all wrapped up, and I will be FREE, FREE, I say!

Have a great day, one and all. I will suffer here, working on a boring fucking work project, possibly subjected once again to the office bore, who my ass may shank, if he is fucking dumb enough to approach me before noon. But don't worry about me. SB is a fucking survivor.

Deadline Wednesday

Blog Family,
I didn't want anybody to be concerned, but I won't be posting any further today, due to a fucking deadline here at work. If you're lonesome for SB, read some of my old archived shit. Actually, I think the first couple of months that I started the blog (last January and February) were some of my finest posts. I was finding my voice, motherfuckers! Or it was finding me.

I hope all of you have a great day.

Be back tomorrow at some point.

Love, SB.

Thanks for All of Your Feedback on the Antidepressant Post

What really amazes me is how many of us take antidepressants. Blows me away.

Excerpt from Antidepressants and Weight Gain: What Happens and Why

Although there are a number of theories as to why antidepressants lead to weight gain, Dr. Sussman believes that both appetite and metabolism may be affected.

"I have had patients who swear that they are not eating any more, but still gaining weight, so that tells us there is some kind of metabolic influence going on; I have also had patients tell me that they are not only more hungry and eating more, but that the medicines are encouraging a carbohydrate craving that is hard to control, so we know appetite also plays a role," he says.

[SB definitely had the carbohydrate craving. The singer Robbie Williams said he did, too. Did anyone else taking antidepressants experience this? Just curious.]

An Idea for Ms. Moon (Chicken Ponchos)

I know, I know--I'm thinking of retitling this blog: Dedicated to Ms. Moon. Fuck you. I can do what I want. It's my fucking blog. If I want to dedicate a thousand posts to my idol, I goddamn will. SB ANSWERS TO NO WO(MAN)! I'm separated, and my ass is power drunk with personal freedom!

Anyhoo, after Ms. Moon gets done knitting that scarf for Jessie, I'm thinking she might combine her love of chickens with her knitting hobby. Those little fuckers need to stay warm at night! The little buttons look like a bitch though.

[Conversation at a party]

What do you do for a living?

I button chickens into tiny little ponchos this chick in Florida knits.

Uhhhhhmmmmmmmm, okay. If you'll excuse me, I think I need to find the bathroom.

[Thinking: fucking elitist snob] Yeah man, whatever.

From Shitmydadsays

"I don't need more friends. You got friends and all they do is ask you to help them move. Fuck that. I'm old. I'm through moving shit."

I'm Done with Meat, I've Had It

This just blows my mind and makes me SO ANGRY and sick to my stomach. I was a total vegetarian for 6 years when I was younger (no chicken, no fish, no seafood). I'm going back.

I lasted maybe for about the first two minutes of this video at the link below. It was all I could take. And if you don't watch, because you don't want to know, so you can go on enjoying your hamburgers, you are a hypocrite and you know it. I think if you choose to eat meat, you should be required to watch this film.

Hatfield Quality Meats/Country View Family Farms, get fucked. This is part of their hypocritical core values statement (direct quote). "We will continue to build on the values that our company was founded upon by striving to operate in a way that will honor the Lord Jesus Christ as demonstrated through our Integrity, Ethics and Stewardship." Assholes.

Tell Hatfield what you think. I am!

Hatfield Quality Meats
Executive Profile:
Philip A. Clemens Chairman, Chairman of Owners' Advisory Council and Chief Executive Officer, The Clemens Family Corporation.

CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS
2700 Clemens RoadHatfield, Pennsylvania 19440 United States
Phone: 215-368-2500
Fax: 215-368-3018

Meat is murder.

Link to story/video: http://www.truecrimereport.com/2009/11/undercover_video_makes_country.php