SB IS SUFFERING, PEOPLE!

SB is SUFFERING because my ass STILL HAS NO DAMN CABLE TV! Yes, you motherfuckers read that shit right. I've got a beautiful new flat-screen digital TV and right now, it is merely room decor. Ginger took a BIG sloppy lick on that shit last night, right after she licked her asshole, of course. Dogs do that shit. Don't ask me why. Do I look like Dr. Doolittle, motherfuckers?

Have the Time Warner motherfuckers no compassion? My ass has actually had to listen to music, read, sit on the porch, drink more wine and smoke more cigs the last couple evenings. If you can fucking imagine that. I could have been watching Real Housewives reruns! What has the world come to?

Cable Guy is now scheduled to come on Saturday. I think I will sit on the goddamn front porch AND put a damn sign in the front yard, directing his/her dumb ass to my abode. Cable Guy is due sometime between 8:00 and high noon. I will just plug the damn coffee pot in on the porch and sit there in my damn jammies so I don't miss the motherfucker! I SO TOTALLY WILL, too. Take that shit to the bank.

My fucking ass will look something like this:

My ass can Gladys Kravitz all the neighbors while I'm out there and see what's going on in the hood. It's important to be nosy. If I teach your mentally-challenged asses nothing else, let it be that shit right there!

The Founder of the Neighborhood Watch Program

It's Gladys Kravitz, bitch! Remember that nosy ho?

I keep an eye on my neighborhood, too. I want to know what's going on, in case one of my neighbors needs some help.

Okay, so I lied--I'm just a nosy bitch, and I like spying on people. I'm too damn lazy to help anyone.