Jan Crouch Photo of the Day/Month/Week/WTFEver

Looks to SB a little like my holy angel Jan Crouch is grossed-out by the man who's hand she is about to shake. She looks like she may have even puked in her own mouth a little. I'm sure Holy Jan's puke tastes like tapioca puddin.

When you are an ANGEL and a PURE SOUL, you shouldn't have to shake the hand of Joe Blow. It just ain't fittin.

SB Idol: Jan Crouch (with Pink Hair, People!)

Here is SB's beloved idol and precious friend, Jan Crouch. Clearly, Jan had her joy back in this picture. Praise Jesus!

I don't know who the gentleman is, so don't ask me. Whoever he is, he is not worthy to be in such close proximity to Jan's glittery preciousness. His ass needs to back the fuck off.

SB's Holy Angel, Jan Crouch, with Hunky Jesus

Did y'all know there is a Holy Land USA theme park in Orlando, Florida, where you can take the fam to watch Jesuses hunky ass get crucified six times a week and even purchase milk and honey ice cream? AND I AM NOT EVEN MAKING THIS SHIT UP EITHER! Here's more information from Intense Guy for those of you planning a vacation.

Note: Holy Land USA is run by my sweet angel of pink-wigged holiness, Jan Crouch and her hubby, Paul.

Fuck Disney World! Visit Holy Land USA. Jan and Paul need your money!

My Special (Needs) Girlfriend, Jan Crouch of TBN

Okay, I realize I could lose a few of you readers on this post. I just refuse to be safe or to patronize your asses in order to keep readers. Great art must take risks, people! If I don't teach your dumb asses anything else, let it be that. I HAVE TO POST THIS SHIT. MY ASS IS COMPELLED! You see, SB has this weird love for TBN's Jan Crouch. I don't watch Jan regularly, but for some reason, whenever I see her overly-made up face on TBN, MY ASS IS COMPELLED TO WATCH!

I seriously love Jan. She makes SB's heavy, cold stone creamery heart. . .well. . .lighter. Jan's joy is infectious! She cries A LOT, too. Maybe Jan needs meds (but we're not here to judge). She is always talking about getting her joy back and shit, AND THEN SHE CRIES ABOUT THE JOY! Quite frankly, I think she may struggle with bipolar disorder (but again, WE'RE NOT HERE TO JUDGE!). I just think Jan's endearing mood swings make her more warm and human, and that just makes SB love her all the damn more! My heart is especially joy-filled when Jan wears the pink wig (see the splendour of that shit in photo above)!

WARNING: And don't you be hating on Jan. That shit will not be tolerated here. Sarcastic Bastard is going to be a safe haven for Jan's joy!

Here's Jan discussing her joy and then losing it and then getting it back again in the video below. I think the Stevie Nick's dress sort of adds to her angelic aura, don't you? It really sends Jan's heavenly message home.