It's Not Just a Damn Wig--It's a Stunning Wig, Motherfuckers!

Can't you just hear Samuel Jackson yelling: IT'S A STUNNING WIG, MOTHERFUCKERS!? Everything always sounds better when Samuel Jackson says it, and you know it.

I think I've found my dream wig, people (see glorious photo of extreme loveliness above)! I have always wanted long, Rapunzel-like hair. This is the shit SB SHOULD HAVE BEEN BORN WITH if God was more of a stylist.

Anyhoo, the description calls it a STUNNING WIG in all caps. It's like Kanye West wrote the damn wig descriptions. He always blogs in ALL CAPS WITH ABOUT 1,000 DAMN EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What do you think of the STUNNING WIG? I could sleep in even later each morning because I wouldn't have to wash my hair all that often. As a result of this, I could go back to brushing my teeth and still make it to work on time. My co-workers might even take up a collection to buy the STUNNING WIG for me so they don't have to deal with my breath anymore.

BONUS! I could style the wig into an updo for Cousin Sheila's impending nuptials. I told her the only thing I refused to do for her on her Day of Joy was to get a damn updo. I might change my mind if Sheila purchases the STUNNING WIG for me. She's going to be a damn doctor. She can afford it!

I Just Like the Damn Picture, Okay?

I think Kanye's ass looks a little unenthusiastic about this particular photo opportunity. [I thought it was Techno Twins, not Techno Cinqtuplets.]

There are five people in the photo with Kanye, right? I told you damn people that math is not SB's strong suit. I was a damn English major! I sincerely fucking apologize for not being John Nash and for not having a beautiful enough mind for you lofty people. I hope one day you will find it in your cold hearts to forgive me.

THIS IS SOME BENJAMIN BUTTON'S SHIT!!!

Kanye West was talking about having some grey in his beard on his blog, so he said the above sentence in ALL CAPS, of course, because Kanye gets a little over-excited about shit. He's always yelling.

Anyhoo, I have been going around driving Mercer and Ginger nuts, yelling this phrase over and over. I even called the Moms last night and told her about it, so she could interject it during conversation at cocktail parties in her retirement villa (trailer park). If there's some BENJAMIN BUTTON'S SHIT going down, it's surely going down at the park.

Kanye's a good looking motherfucker. The grey won't hurt him a bit.