Posts are going to be light or non-existent until next Tuesday or Wednesday. I am off work after today for the BIG move. I should have high-speed Road Runner hooked up at some point on Monday, but I won't be back to work until Wednesday next week. Good thing, since I am not getting moved until Sunday. I was planning for tonight or Saturday, but the landlord fucked around. Oh well. Such is life.Today is the Community-Wide Garage Sale here in Buttfuck, Ohio. You have NEVER IN YOUR MOTHERFUCKING LIFE seen anything like this shit here. It's a mid-western thing I guess--motherfuckers GO CRAZY for bargains at garage sales. If you are not careful (like on my way to work this morning), your ass will take out an elderly couple or some kids, running across the damn street to snap up garage sale goodies. Ohioans just lose their damn minds for a good garage sale! Mid-westerners are some thrifty-ass motherfuckers.
My whole housing development was a clusterfuck of double-parked motherfuckers and rushing pedestrians this morning. Motherfuckers were ENTIRELY oblivious to oncoming traffic. Some elderly couple JOGGED (I shit you not) right out in front of me, they were in such a damn garage sale FRENZY! The woman had her FUG fanny pack on with all her buckeroos stuffed in it to buy her damn crap. [NOTE: Mid-westerners don't know how to dress either. You gay men would be fucking horrified. You'd want to re-dress every Ohioan. Trust my ass on this.]
I know all of you, my beloved motherfuckers, who regularly read this blog would be happy to help my ass move if you lived in the area. Since you don't, I'm asking you to be there in spirit and to help me move virtually. Your asses are going to be virtually fucking tired come Monday!
I'll drink to all of you from the new place this weekend. I'll have a spare bedroom (unfinished at this point) and all of you readers (BUT NOT CHRISTIAN DAVE GEE--BLESS HIS HEART) are welcome to come and stay. Because who in this world could possibly die and not visit OHIO? You don't want to leave the Earth sphere and miss out on the mid-western experience, people! We have cornhole, motherfuckers! You haven't lived until you've gotten smashed and played CORNHOLE! One of my gay friends says he's really good at cornhole because he's played it most of his life. That shit cracks me up.
If you can pass on the damn cornhole, SB always has a well-stocked bar.
Have a great weekend, all!
I know all of you, my beloved motherfuckers, who regularly read this blog would be happy to help my ass move if you lived in the area. Since you don't, I'm asking you to be there in spirit and to help me move virtually. Your asses are going to be virtually fucking tired come Monday!
I'll drink to all of you from the new place this weekend. I'll have a spare bedroom (unfinished at this point) and all of you readers (BUT NOT CHRISTIAN DAVE GEE--BLESS HIS HEART) are welcome to come and stay. Because who in this world could possibly die and not visit OHIO? You don't want to leave the Earth sphere and miss out on the mid-western experience, people! We have cornhole, motherfuckers! You haven't lived until you've gotten smashed and played CORNHOLE! One of my gay friends says he's really good at cornhole because he's played it most of his life. That shit cracks me up.
If you can pass on the damn cornhole, SB always has a well-stocked bar.
Have a great weekend, all!
