Harvey Photo of the Week (for Nick)

Ah, happier times. . . This shit brings tears to SB's myopic (and very nearly blind) eyes. Harvey needs his damn daddy!

Clearly, Princess Tiamimimimimimimi is oblivious to the camera (unlike her whore of a mother) and is having nappy time. No, SB kids. I actually like Jordan/Katie Price. Her ass is HIGH entertainment now that my beautiful angel Anna Nicole has passed on to that great pink diamante-encrusted heaven in the sky. How could you not like somebody who bought her poor meth addict cousin a brand new set of teefs TWICE? Anna was a good person, who happened to like Strawberry Quik A WHOLE LOT, and I miss her goddammit.

Side Note (shit like this keeps me up at night--it's hard having a genius-level mind--you can't turn it off): I wonder if Sugar Pie is still alive. Help a bitch get some sleep--if you know the answer to this question--leave it in the comments.

BIG Harv Photo of the Week

Yeah, like anybody's going to notice Harvey in this photo! Do you motherfuckers think Jordan is an attention-seeking individual? Yeah, crazy notion. Me neither.

New SB Feature! The Harvey of the Week Photo

Nick suggested this feature. You can thank him. SB is SO LYING. It's all my fault, peeps! So don't be leaving my boy, Nick, irrate comments on his blog about encouraging SB with her all-things-Jordan fetish. It's not his fault.

I don't know why I am so damn fascinated with Harvey, but I am. SB is touched by Jordan's tenderness with her son (Look at the photo. They're holding hands, people! Oh, a mother's love!), even though she left him in England when she fled her broke-ass relationship with Peter Andre. She left him with a nurse, people! Don't you be criticizing Jordan! The nurse makes it okay. Harvey needs special care. You can't just hustle Harvey's big ass on a plane at the last minute. He might start cursing or yelling. A change in routine bunges Harvey all up.

SB loves Harvey! Long live Harvey! (many more heartwarming photos to come)

My ass is even thinking about starting a Harvey Fan Site. I'm just not sure I have the time, because I have a full-time job and a diarrhetic dog, you know. One of you may have to volunteer to do the start-up on the Fan page.

A Magical Couple Gone Wrong: Jordan and Peter Andre

The big break-up story over here in America is stupid Jon and Kate of some dumb reality TV show where these two dumb twats have eight little screaming brats running around. Who cares? SB doesn't care--NOT WHEN THE MOST MAGICAL COUPLE OF ALL-TIME (PETER ANDRE AND JORDAN) ARE SPLITTING UP! (See fairly tale wedding photo above. Obviously, it was happier times for these two love birds.) The whole thing has sort of got me down, quite frankly. I mean, if Jordan and Peter can't make it with their special glittery love in this world, how do the rest of us less shiny people possibly hope to make a long-term relationship work?

Anyhoo, SB is seriously convinced that Peter Andre REALLY LOVES Jordan/Katie Price. It's just that Katie's spray tan, numerous boob operations, hair extensions, and drinking (DRINKING--DID I MENTION KATIE'S DRINKING?) got in the way of the pair's magical destiny of love.

Also, there is Harvey. I know that Peter loves Jordan because he puts up with stuff like Harvey yelling curse words at him. Harvey is Jordan's bastard mentally-challenged son from a bang-and-run with a famous Brit athlete, whom Peter adopted. (That's Harvey in the foreground in the photo below. He's kind of a big kid, but don't be mean, the Harvster has developmental disabilities.)

Anyhoo, everyday SB MUST read the English tabloids to hear the latest developments in this heartbreaking saga. I'm worried about the Harvster! Peter is his daddy now. Harvey needs his daddy!

Yesterday, "DISTRAUGHT" Peter Andre fled his Greek compound. I guess Jordan took off with all the kids (EXCEPT POOR HARVEY!) for parts unknown. Bitch is hiding out. It's like a real-life soap opera! Will Peter chase after her, or has he truly given up on their precious love?

SB just can't believe their magical romance is over. It hurts my heart.