Showing posts with label scary dolls. Show all posts
Showing posts with label scary dolls. Show all posts

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Scary Doll of the Month: Calamity Jane

Yes, it's a Newman-Breen, motherfuckers. SB doesn't know who the hell Calamity Jane is, but I had to feature this fug doll because of the interesting pose in the photo. I think Calamity has been ridden hard and put away wet on the range once too often, so to speak. Her ass sure as shit didn't get THAT bow-legged from just ridin' horses, peeps. It gets mighty lonesome on the range!

Either that, or Calamity's ass is doing some strange sort of pee-pee dance because she's got to piss so badly. Come on. Don't act all superior, like you don't know what the pee-pee dance is. You've done it, and don't act like you haven't.

Growing up, invariably, the kid next door to us (the youngest of the group) would get so wrapped up in a neighborhood baseball game or trip to the creek to gather snakes, that he would get excited and do the pee-pee dance to prolong his having to run up to his house to go to the bathroom.

He would almost always wait just a little too long. About the time his hand was clutching for the back door, the motherfucker would piss his pants. Happened like clockwork.

Kev is a police officer here in town now. I can only guess that he takes time to stop at McDonalds when he needs to, or maybe, he gets so wrapped up in dusting for prints or dealing with perps that he pisses his uniform. Ohio's finest--the pissy pants po-po.

If you get stopped for a ticket here in Ohio, and the officer has piss stains on his trousers, be nice. Don't get all sassy and shit. Relax and tell Kev SB says yo. It might get you out of a ticket.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Fug Doll of the Month


Yes, it's a Newman-Breen, motherfuckers. How did you guess? I think this hot piece of fug is supposed to be Joan Crawford.

No more wire hangers EVER! I chase the Asshole Licker around and yell, "NO MORE WIRE HANGER EVER!" a lot. She loves that shit. It's thrilling!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Scary Doll Couple of the Month






















Look at the hip sockets, people! Look at the damn sockets! Gross. The boobs are pretty good though. Fairly realistic, at least in my experience, and I've spent about four decades with boobs, so I'm sort of an expert. My opinion counts!

Anyway, these fuckers are called Enchanted Dolls. Whatever! They're from The Enchanted Doll. Here's a damn link, in case you want rush on over and buy their enchanting asses: http://www.enchanteddoll.com/

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Scary Doll of the Month

How would you get any sleep with this Baby Jane Hudson doll in the damn room? Personally, I thought the real Bette Davis was scary enough. She had the beady-wonk eye going on. She also didn't like wire hangers! What did she use, that Chinese plastic shit?

Sometimes, when I am doing the laundry and hanging shirts, I chase the cat and dog around, shouting: No more wire hangers EVER! They really seem to enjoy it.

Correction: A reader was kind (anal) enough to point out that the star-of-yore with the wire-hanger fetish was in fact that big-eyebrowed ho, Joan Crawford, NOT BETTE DAVIS. I REPEAT: NOT BETTE DAVIS. Easy mistake--both fug.






















To order this shit: http://www.newbreen.com/

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I'm Going to Have Nightmares About this Shit

Micheal over at Dlisted (linked on the right side of my blog for your convenience)--the best celebrity gossip site EVER IN THE HISTORY OF MAN EVER (props to L.)--posted a link to a doll maker's Web site called Alesia-Newman Breen Dolls. The dolls are semi well-crafted in an artful yet fucking creepy way. And I should know from creepy, because I had the original Cher doll and made my Mom put her in another room so I could go to sleep at night without her clawing my eyeballs out and eating my brains.


Anywho, here is the Newman Breen Doll site link for all you sick fucks out there.
http://www.newbreen.com/celebritydolls.html

WARNING: The Newman Breen Doll site is not for those with heart problems. It may also be disturbing to younger viewers.

Also, if you take Ambien or antidepressants (like me), maybe you should skip the link entirely because you probably have scary enough dreams already.

If you do screw up the courage to take a gander at the site, the Sophia Loren doll is a must-see. Her legs look like they have been attacked by some sort of bacterial flesh-eating skin disease.


The prominent nips are so life-like, my brother is going to want one for Christmas next year.