Paris Hilton Won the Biggest Damn Whore Poll by a Cunt

The Moms is going to be so MAD at me for using THAT word. I am 43 years old, and yes, my ass DOES care what the Moms thinks. Well, I care some.

Anyhoo, Paris only won Biggest Damn Whore by ONE damn vote. I was pulling for George Michael (well, not literally). George is a damn whore, but I still love him. In fact, I think he has the best voice of any living singer, except for maybe Andrea Bocelli. I crank the old Andrea Bocelli CDs up on the weekends and annoy the young neighbor couple next door, who probably prefer rap or some damn shit. 

The Disdainful one loves Bocelli, too. Also, Mercer and I both like pasta, flashy Cadillacs, and the red wine (okay, Mercer's not keen on el vino--that's just me). I am quite sure that we are both reincarnated mobsters. We also both like the flash--any kind of shiny jewelry or shit nearly hypnotizes our asses. We were probably named Guido and Rocko or some shit like that in the previous life. Strangely, the only food I can prepare is pasta and pizza. I eat it all the time. It's a holdover from the last life. I also have an aluminum baseball bat in my front closet for unwelcome intrudahs. 

I posted a photo of the BEST ACTOR OF ALL TIME EVER as the greatest mobster EVER, instead of Paris Hilton's whorish mug, because I can't stand looking at that wonk-eyed bitch.

Enough of Susan Boyle Already

SB doesn't giving a flying fuck if Susan Boyle sings like a damn angel. She needs a stylist, and bitch needs to zip that shit up! I do not want to see her damn granny panties. I also think a titsling is in order. That shit damn near reaches her waist! I know she thought she had worn black, so a bra would be unnecessary, but the sight of those sagging twins nearly blinded my myopic ass! Girlfriend needs help and some Spanx.

SB is SO SICK of seeing and hearing about this homely bitch (with a voice like an angel!) that I'd like to lock her up in a basement along with Beyonce's fat ass. We can throw Paris Hilton and Hohan in for good measure. Nobody will miss their dumb asses.

That Whore Paris Hilton

Well folks, looks like that whore Paris Hilton is the human being most of us would like to see wiped off the face of the Earth in the latest Sarcastic Bastard poll.

Look for a new poll in the next day or so.