Thursday, June 4, 2009

Paris Hilton Won the Biggest Damn Whore Poll by a Cunt

The Moms is going to be so MAD at me for using THAT word. I am 43 years old, and yes, my ass DOES care what the Moms thinks. Well, I care some.

Anyhoo, Paris only won Biggest Damn Whore by ONE damn vote. I was pulling for George Michael (well, not literally). George is a damn whore, but I still love him. In fact, I think he has the best voice of any living singer, except for maybe Andrea Bocelli. I crank the old Andrea Bocelli CDs up on the weekends and annoy the young neighbor couple next door, who probably prefer rap or some damn shit. 

The Disdainful one loves Bocelli, too. Also, Mercer and I both like pasta, flashy Cadillacs, and the red wine (okay, Mercer's not keen on el vino--that's just me). I am quite sure that we are both reincarnated mobsters. We also both like the flash--any kind of shiny jewelry or shit nearly hypnotizes our asses. We were probably named Guido and Rocko or some shit like that in the previous life. Strangely, the only food I can prepare is pasta and pizza. I eat it all the time. It's a holdover from the last life. I also have an aluminum baseball bat in my front closet for unwelcome intrudahs. 

I posted a photo of the BEST ACTOR OF ALL TIME EVER as the greatest mobster EVER, instead of Paris Hilton's whorish mug, because I can't stand looking at that wonk-eyed bitch.

3 comments:

Sasha (Malchik Gai) said...

Brando is da schizzle. Thanks for not posting a foto of that beyotch. I might have to gouge out my own eyes if I saw it here. Then how the hell would I be able to read all the cool shit everyone's up to? You saved me from all that Guido! I love ya for it. :P
xoxo
s

Lady Lemon said...

Con te partiro! Fucking Bocelli! Dude, have you ever seen the music video with Sarah Brightman? It's a little on the creepy side, I must say.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Lady Lemon,
No, I have not seen that video, but I will check it out because I like creepy shit.

Love,

SB