Wednesday, June 17, 2009

I'm Posting to Say I Will Not Be Posting Today

My ass is crabby today. I have been staying up FAR TOO LATE watching the shows I've recorded on the new DVR. Also, I've been having a spicy Bloody Mary or two or three and that makes my ass even tireder. I made up a word. So there. I'm an English major and an editor, but I'm not anal about proper language usage. Fuck it. Sometimes made-up words pack more punch.

Anyhoo, I'm posting to say I'm not posting today, motherfuckers. The rain will not quit here in Buttfuck, Ohio, and I am just mean as hell today. If I don't get some damn sunshine soon, I'm going to kill somebody--perhaps the dumb sonofabitch in the white Toyota, who didn't bother to stop and take his fucking turn at the 4-way stop on my way into work this morning. Then, when I put my hands up in whatthefuck'sthematterwithyou despair, the jerk-off asshole cocksucking motherfucker had the temerity to wave happily at me. The fucker was just giddy with glee! I didn't say you could go, you dumb motherfucker. Your dumb ass just took the liberty. Fuck you, white Toyota selfish motherfucking asshole with a pin dick guy!

Can you motherfuckers tell that SB would not be good company today? Your asses are lucky you readers are not my co-workers, family, or neighbours today. Count your damn blessings!

17 comments:

Put The Lotion In The Basket said...

Here's a tip for a real nice spicy bloody mary, mix in some horse raddish sauce, goes down a treat.
Love
Nick

Lady Lemon said...

Dude, I feel similarly shitty this morning. And there is not even any rain here.

Made-up words do pack more punch.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Sounds good, Nick. Thanks. Cheers.

afk4life said...

My tip for bloody mary: don't pour the tomato juice, just look at it. Or if you must use some, just make sure you add plenty of Tabasco in there also. :/ Hope your day improves :)
<3
Doug

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Doug,
I like the way you think, my brothah.

Love,

SB

All This Trouble... said...

I say you go home right now and drink!

Fuck work. Fuck Toyota guy. Just drink!

When you wake up tomorrow after 15 hours of drink-induced sleep, you'll feel fine.

Steph said...

Yer kinda sexy when yer angry.

Ms. Moon said...

And tomorrow will be a better day.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

All This Trouble,
I LOVE the way you think!

Love,

The Grouch

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Steph,
Yer kinda funny when you comment.
Laugh.

Love ya,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

My Dear Ms. Moon,
Thanks for the reminder.

Much love,

SB

Alec 'Scourge of the Nazis' Beattie said...

You have to get a games console, like a Playstation or something, and take out your frustrations on computer-generated bad-asses.
I particularly like shooting/stabbing/blow them to fuck shoot 'em ups where I get to shoot Germans and Japs in WW2 simulation games.
If this fails, Stella and valium work just as well.

Aunt Becky said...

There's something in the air today. I want to kill things and punch them in the head.

Syd said...

I felt crummy with a sinus headache so I stayed home and slept most of the day. It was great. Now I'm going to fix a kick ass dinner.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Thanks for the tip, Alec!

Love ya,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Aunt Becky,
Great to hear from you! Yeah, it was day o' violence.

Love,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Syd,
Good for you. Isn't it great to be at home alone during the day, when most of the neighborhood is working?

Hope you are much better.

Sending you love,

SB