More Shit SB Says in Comments

Colin Farrell's TOO BIG A WHORE even for me. And trust me, that takes a PRETTY BIG WHORE to be a man and to be TOO BIG A WHORE for SB!

Elizabeth Montgomery & the Missing Linc

All this talk of Mrs. Kravitz has made me miss the lovely Elizabeth Montgomery, who may be, at least in my view, one of the best looking bitches EVER. Judge for your damnselves. I can't make up your minds!

I used to idolize Liz and Julie from The Mod Squad as a kid. I made my little brother play Pete, and we pretended to ride around and bust perps and shit. We didn't have any black kids in our neighborhood, so I was short a Linc. That sort of rubbed me the wrong way and ruined things. Linc was the cool one, and we had a missing Linc. You can't have a damn Mod Squad without Linc, motherfuckers!

Shit SB Says

Opposable thumbs are overrated. Big damn deal.

Plastic Joy Award

There is nothing SB enjoys more than some plastic joy! (CHARGE CARDS! You damn filty-minded motherfuckers thought I meant a vibrator, didn't you?)

Thanks to my dear friend, Ruth, at Life the Universe and All That's In it for this award. [Check out Ruth's fantastic site on my blog list on the right side of this page. My motherfucking paste function is not working to post the damn link.]

I understand the award instructions are to name 5 or more characters that you would like to knock boots with.

Here we go.

Hank Moody, Californication (my current favorite show)

Fuckers a damn mess, but he means well, and he really likes women.


Chris Stevens from Northern Exposure (my favorite show of all time)

Again, fucker liked the women AND literature. Jackpot! He could read Thoreau to me naked anytime.

Tommy Gavin, Rescue Me

Tommy is a fucking righteous mess, but again, he digs the chicks and makes me alternately want to fuck him and fix him.


Damon Salvatore, The Vampire Diaries

Likes women. Likes to bleed women dry. Literally. Bad boy with an I-know-what-you-look-like-naked smirk. Need I say more?

And lastly,

Daniel Cleaver, Bridget Jones Diaries

He's quite simply awful and has very few redeeming qualities, but I would run off with him for a mini-break in a heartbeat. The Guy can really recite a dirty limerick. I'm a literate bitch and that shit appeals to me.

Fun stuff, Ruth! Thanks for the award. SB adores you!

Old Neighbours, New Neighbours

Last night, I had the windows open, and I heard a familiar voice. NO, IT WAS NOT SATAN, you bunch of fucking smart asses. It was my old neighbour, Joe. (You may remember me mentioning the kids, as in the kids who had the yard sale that blocked my entire front picture window for several weeks last year.)

Anyhoo, Joe came back (nearly a year after he, the wife, and the kids moved out) to dig up some plants the wife had planted in our/my yard in order to cart them off to the place he is living currently. I had to laugh. Only Joe would have the balls to even consider that shit, let alone do it. Of course, I told him: whatever. I could give a fuck. Dig the entire yard up. Whatever.

The new biker/born again neighbours have more material possessions than God. Motherfucker made multiple trips with a huge U-Haul and kept unloading until dark last night. I never saw so much fucking furniture in all my fucking life. I don't know how the motherfuckers fit all that shit in their half of the double. The kids may be sleeping in a closet or some shit, but that's not my concern. Far be it from me to act like Puppini Kravitz. I don't have time to be a damn busybody!

My New Neighbours Are Moving In

My new neighbours are moving in to the other half of the double I live in as I type this. I went home for lunch, and Teeny Weeny Puppini has taken to watching all the move-in action, laying on the kitchen table that looks out on the neighbour's entryway. Her new name is: Puppini Kravitz, in honour of Mrs. Kravitz (the nosy bitch) from Bewitched. That feline bitch would normally NEVER lay on the damn kitchen table. She is not even that interested in sitting in windows. Curiousity killed the--well--yeah. They say that shit because it's true, motherfuckers!

[Oh, and I forgot to mention that the new neighbours are ex-biker, ex-drug using, born-agains. I wish they were just drug using bikers! I mean, I'd rather. I forgot to hang my black upside-down crucifix on the porch last night. Fuck me.]

Not Much Going On

Good morning my precious motherfuckers. SB just plain does not have much to report so far this week. Everything is okey-dokey. At least we have sun here this morning in gorgeous Buttfuck, Ohio. SO FAR.

I had an 8:00 appointment [Jesus Christ] with the eye surgeon this morning, and everything looks good. He said he is very happy with the eye I had the cataract surgery on. Little did he know, I did not follow through on the eye drops as I was directed. I'm a rebel, goddammit! The rules for the common folk DO NOT apply to moi. Yes, we are a little full of ourselves this [and every] morning. I sound like that bitch Leona Helmsley. I do have to say that I liked the fact that Leelee left her damn dog (who randomly bit the little people, might I add) millions. Of course, her fucking greedy-assed kids didn't like that and took some of the little barker's dough away. Whatever! It was a nice gesture.

Anyhoo, SB OUT! Y'all have a blessed damn day! [Don't ask. Some sign said that shit on the way here, so I thought I'd pass it on. It's a damn nicety, motherfuckers. You're welcome.]

I'm Not Posting Today (Except for this Shit Here)

It's fugly and dark and rainy here in Buttfuck this morning. I'm taking the day off mentally.

It's also Monday and I'm grumpy. [I already bared my teeth and growled at one poor hapless motherfucker here in the office who approacheth before the coffee kicketh in. Dumb fucker. All I had time to grab was McDonald's coffee and it McSucks.]

Don't feel like posting shit today, unless I run across something that doesn't take a lot of damn thought. I refuse to be a damn slave to this motherfucking blog, motherfuckers.

I'll be around to read and comment on your shit as the day goes on, as long as none of you posts anything too damn deep.

Can't a Bitch Take a Damn Vacation?

Somebody from Chappaqua, New York, Is Checking Out Coco's Big FAT Ass

Bill Clinton, is that you? You are SB's favorite President!

BITCH!

Possibly the MOST HATED man in America (after Rush Limbaugh and George W. Bush). Sarcastic Bastard is DEFINITELY Team Sandy. Are there any members of Team Jesse? Probably just one. Jesse himself. Even Cinnabun is Team Sandy!

Message to Sandy: We love you Sandy! Hold your head high. Don't let that pig fucker make you feel humiliated or ashamed.

There Is a Time to Stop with the Makeup

Case in point. Jesus.

I Want to Be a Baby

I Don't Know Why I Read this Bitch

But this post was particularly interesting. You're welcome.

Link to post: http://slutever.blogspot.com/2010/03/egotistical-punk.html

Jesus, I Miss the 80s

SB had BIG HAIR like the red-shorts-wearing motherfucker.