Thursday, February 26, 2009

Is Marie Osmond Right in the Head?

SB used to be a big fan of the Osmonds. In fact, the first concert I ever attended was a Donny & Marie Osmond concert with a friend and my daddums. There were glittery costumes and flashing lights, people, and my ass found that shit enchanting! This was pre-disco, and that made it REVOLUTIONARY! And also, I wanted to marry Donny Osmond when I grew up. I prayed to God every night that that shit would happen! Unfortunately for Donny, it didn't work out. Mr. SB's lucky ass got me instead!

But now, I don't know about Marie anymore. Is she right in the damn head? She still seems nice, so I won't be too harsh, but does the world really need a damn Baby Elvis Military doll? You be the judge (picture below). Personally, I think not so much.

And if I were Elvis's fucking Estate, I would be suing Marie Osmond. You just know Priscilla and Lisa Marie need to send some more money to the Church of Scientology. Zenu needs more money! Quick, go after Marie while she's got all that money from Nutra System. That bitch is flush right now.

I have to admit that Elvis would probably like the Baby Elvis dolls because, let's face it, Elvis liked cheesy shit. He liked orange shag carpet and faux leopard skin. He'd a thunk Baby Elvis was a cutin'. Also, Marie Osmond has lots of dark hair and big teeth and that was Elvis's look, so he probably wouldn't sue Marie. He'd just try and date her, but I'm just saying.


Beth said...

Wait just a minute SB...your DAD went to an Osmond concert????? I think that deserved an entry all its own.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Yes, but even better was the time daddums took me to the vegan/vegetarian gathering in Yellow Springs! They sang some crap song about why they all loved Rice Dream. I shit you not.

Spaz was a fucking saint, too, at least for awhile. He TRIED to be cool, BUT THEN HE COULDN'T FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE.