Friday, January 14, 2011

A Phone Conversation with the Ex While Sitting in My Damn Closet-Sized Cubicle

Are you taking your cell phone with you while you're in the Amazon?

Yes. I'm planning on it.

If so, would you get me some pictures of the pygmies?

Well you know they're not really pygmies. They're short, but I mean, they're not THAT short.

If there are any freakishly small ones, get a picture, would you? That shit fascinates me. You'll remember I used to get really creeped out by that freakishly short chick you worked with. That bitch was so tiny, she looked like a damn Barbie.

13 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

I wish I was freakishly small for you, Ms. Bastard-Beloved.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Ms. Moon,
I love you JUST AS YOU ARE.

Jeannie said...

I'm thinking my husband descended from actual leprechauns over there in Ireland - he's short! The ladies in my family are also short. Our kids are short! My daughter - by today's standards is freakishly short - barely 5 ft tall. Of course, she's adorable. In lineups at bars, and at concerts, everyone just lets her go in front of them because she's just so damn cute. Plus she has big boobs. That helps.

mrs. miss alaineus said...

k it's report card week and i am a little behind on having my life after the bell rings. amazon?????? squeeze me? baking powder???

that is cool as hell!

Terena said...

bwahahhahahahahahahhaaaa! oh man, I can't stop laughing

Lori said...

Are conversations like these maybe the reason that this person earned the label "The Ex"? I am 5"7, no photos please.

Syd said...

I haven't thought about the pygmies since I used to look at naked breasts in National Geographic.

West Hollywood Voyeur said...

"get me some pictures of the pygmies" LOL!!!
I couldn't of said it better myself!
WHV.

Colette Simone said...

I laughing a creeped out at the same time. Love you!

FrankandMary said...

And there really are pygmies there.
So you better get that picture.

FrankandMary said...

And there really are pygmies there.
So you better get that picture.

Leslie said...

I really love the idea of this conversation, except I would never ask the former administration for anything. Not even a picture of pygmies.

Parabolic Muse said...

HA! Leslie! The former administration!!! I got to go visit her ass and give her the props.


Okay, here's the thing: does anyone self-edit? I mean, wait before asking shit like this, or even speaking aloud? Let the voices stay in your heads, people!

Being incredibly brilliant, of course, I never have to do that.