Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Quote of the Damn Day: Robert Downey Jr.

I used to be so convinced that happiness was the goal, yet all those years I was chasing after it, I was unhappy in the pursuit. Maybe the goal really should be a life that values honor, duty, good work, friends and family.

I think it's a good look for her.

Where I come from, this is called entrepreneurial.

The hairdo is a BIG no-no though. Judge for yourselves!

Jewish Campaign Donors, Get Your Shit Together! Bachmann Is NOT a Jew.

Jesus Christ, people. Do a little research before you donate! Bitch is NOT a damn Jew.

Cheney Ought to be Tried as a Criminal. Period.

SB HATES this man with a passion. I'm all for trying his wrinkly fat ass. Lock the cocksucker up. Let's throw away the fucking key!

Some Planet of the Apes Shit Is Coming, Motherfuckers!

STOP treating women like children, you stupid fucks.

This is outrageous. Texas legislature, you SUCK ASS.

The gall of this. If I were the Lauren family, I'd snub the Bush family.

The Laurens are WAY too good for the Bush family in my view. The Bushes are a pack of wankers.

Of course the federal government failed to make the link. They don't want to pay out. How shameful!

This is how our heroes from 9/11 are treated by the assholes in government.

Many first responders and local politicians were furious with last month's findings by the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health that failed to make a link between cancer and exposure to Ground Zero toxins.

That report, overseen by 9/11 health czar Dr. John Howard, has been cited in a decision announced yesterday not to include cancer among the medical issues that will be covered under the $4.3 billion James Zadroga 9/11 Health and Compensation Act.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

You're Too Old When. . . .

You wouldn't believe your eyes. Half of the pruning shears was sticking out and the other half was in his head.

If I was the ambulance crew, I'd get the pukes.

Having a BAD Morning

My cheddar and sour cream potato chips keep breaking off in my french onion dip. I AM SUFFERING, MOTHERFUCKERS! SUFFERING!

And clearly I am an American, in the fact that I find this situation a TOTAL misery.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Quote of the Damn Day: Morrissey

What's the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning? Wish I hadn't.

Shit SB Says

I'm already tired of hearing about Beyonce's pregnancy. I wish she'd fuck off.

Morrissey Monday

Friday, August 26, 2011

Fuck You, Irene!

My thoughts are with all those good folks in the oncoming path of Hurricane Irene, especially New York City, where I used to live.

I have TOTAL faith that the people of New York will prevail, no matter what befalls them. They already showed that on September 11th, nearly 10 years ago.

Good luck and God bless.


I Just Like the Damn Photo, Okay? Who Wouldn't?

An actor's a guy who, if you ain't talking about him, ain't listening.

I don't mind that I'm fat. You still get the same money.

There's a line in the picture where he snarls, 'Nobody tells me what to do.' That's exactly how I've felt all my life.

A Sweet Story of Ferret Redemption

Thinking Outside the Box. Well, Sort of.

Move Over Jheri Curl. A Bitch Wants to Look Good in the Afterlife.

A Happy Update on Hawkeye, the Grieving Dog

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

I was saddened to read that Frank Bender died.

Any of you who watch true crime television will likely be familiar with Mr. Bender. His work was amazing.

Top Ten Most Annoying Facebook Types by Anonymous

This fucking cracked me up.

1. The Routiner: Having morning coffee and going to sleep seem to be his only activities. May share about doing laundry to mix it up a bit, but that’s about it.

2. The New Ager: Every post is an uplifting quote from Marianne Williamson, Deepak Chopra or any number of self-help gurus. Secretly imagines himself the next Oprah.

3. The Old Movie Queen: If “All About Eve” is on, watch out. Quote is invariably: “Life is a banquet and most suckers are starving to death!” from Auntie Mame.

4. The Pity Partier: His oblique updates hint at suicidal depression. Is not happy unless someone comments: “Are you okay? LOVE YOU!!!”

5. The Reassurer: Considers it her life’s work to shore you up. Signs everything “You’re a star, darling” or “Keep being you!” (Best Friend of Pity Partier)

6. Mr. Relapse: Always starting over. Thinks counting his days publically is helpful. Disappears for days and then airs way too much information.

7. The Midwestern Mom: Keeps you informed of every dance competition her daughter is entered in. Overly earnest. Exclamation mark dependent.

8. The Political Junkie: Sure that if he doesn’t post every article he reads, you won’t possibly know about it. Either very angry with Obama or hypersensitive about him.

9. The Christian Patriot: Constantly asserting the brave and lonely stance of loving her country and Jesus, and dares you to assert the same. Also hates cancer.

10. The Cruiser: Thinks Facebook is a gay sex site designed to friend as many hot men as possible and publically lust after them. Endlessly pokes. Potential stalker.

Friday, August 19, 2011

He Was a Gentleman and a Scholar

For some reason, I have been thinking of Shelby Foote off and on all day today. He was one of the people I most would have liked to have dinner with. I even named one of my cats after him, an honor he would probably have found dubious, but would have been too polite to remark upon.

I Just Like the Damn Picture, Okay?

The irreplaceable Heath Ledger.

Quote of the Damn Day: Paul Newman

I'm a supporter of gay rights. And not a closet supporter either. From the time I was a kid, I have never been able to understand attacks upon the gay community. There are so many qualities that make up a human being. . . by the time I get through with all the things that I really admire about people, what they do with their private parts is probably so low on the list that it is irrelevant.

Paul was a good soul, and I miss him.

I Just Like the Damn Picture, Okay?

Gerard and Guillaume Depardieu.

He was the enfant terrible of French cinema. A tormented soul who inherited his famous father's talent--along with his demons. It was a fatal combination that would send Guillaume Depardieu to an early grave.

You'd think nobody ever pissed on the damn floor before.

Nearly every Christmas in my family, Uncle Bugs got drunk and pissed on grandma's linoleum. Nobody even cared, except for grandma, who got pretty honked off.

[Take a note Lindsay Lohan--just piss on a damn floor and you'll be back in the headlines, you desperate bitch.]

These are the days of miracles and wonders.

Bubba Goes Vegan

I fell in love with Bill Clinton when he jogged to McDonald's right after his presidency began. A good old boy from the South goes vegan. If Bill can do it, anybody can. Good for him.

Wow. This is unbelievable.

All the lonely people. The Beatles were right about that, too.

More Shit SB Comments to Ms. Moon Over at Bless Our Hearts

This is the way I see it. George Harrison and The Beatles were right: Everything is just the way it is supposed to be. Therefore, I can't help but be who I am and do the things I do. So why hate on myself for being what I can't help but be? Where's the sense? Why be mad at anybody else for doing what they do either (except for George W. Bush--we can still be mad at him--he is exempt from the laws of the Beatles/Universe. I will die pissed off at him).

Shit SB Says in a Comment to Ms. Moon, Her Precious Idol

I'm just glad I'm not a girl chicken, being humped on all damn day and then giving birth right and left. It sounds like THE SUCK to me.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

A small piece of good news. To say I'm appalled by the actions of the Fullerton Police Dept. is an understatement.

I signed a petition just yesterday asking that an independent party investigate this incident.

I send my love to Mr. Thomases family. I share their disgust over the police brutality inflicted upon their dear son, Kelly. I hope the police officers involved are punished appropriately.

Only in America would a homeless person be treated with such a lack of regard. I am disgusted and sickened.

It must be the mood I'm in, but this struck me as particularly funny.

[Especially that the dogs get excited by certain theme songs. Shit cracks me up.]

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Kimberly Nizato is a dumb bitch.

Gerard Veux Pisser, Goddammit.

When a dude's gotta piss, a dude's gotta piss, goddammit! I adore Gerard. What the damn media don't tell you is that if Gerard was drunk, it's understandable, he lost his grown son fairly recently. It was very tragic.

In My Opinion, You Are Not Right

I started out the morning with a spam comment that began: In my opinion, you are not right. Of course, I agreed with that and was thinking the spammer should have finished that sentence with in the head.

I haven't been posting this week because I have nothing worth imparting. I'm in a bit of a funk and dealing with some anxiety over a multitude of real and imagined things. I'll post when I have something fucking worth posting. Until then, I am not dead, just resting.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

I am Haunted by the Damn Picture

Here I am this morning for whatever the fuck that's worth.

Here I am at the damn office again (I feel like I live here), sitting in my tiny glorified-closet-sized-fucking-cubicle. I sit here with little white fuzzies and cat hair on my black GAP t-shirt. How thrilling it must be for you to read this! I wear a lot of black. It suits the general mood (especially in the morning), but it's sort of a brave/stupid thing with 7 cats and a partially white dog. I also wear a lot of black because I'm a lazy mofo, and it combines with everything else I own.

So far this morning, I've already flipped one guy off on the way to work. Fucker dared to pull out in front of me from the mega-Kroger and drive under the cocksucking speed limit. As usual, I was running late, too. Motherfucker. Then the damn cocksucker proceeded to hit the brakes when I was on his ass, tailing him, so I flipped him the bird.

The Neighbors from Hell have finally moved their trashy cracker asses out. They took Darlington the dog with them. (All of their pets were named after NASCAR venues.) My ass is currently enjoying a few weeks of having no duplex-y neighbors, however, it's been too damn hot to really enjoy the deck at the shared side of the house or the BIG beautiful yard that I have not ventured into for over a year, due to the NASCAR cracker children.

I am currently reading the English papers and keeping a far-away eye on the events in London. I have dear friends over in England and am as attached to that country as my own. I spent a summer in Wolverhampton many years ago, just out of high school. I am very fond of England and the English people. The situation concerns me quite a bit.

So, there's a smattering of news this wretched Wednesday morning from glorious hot-as-Hades Buttfuck, Ohio. What's up in your neck of the woods? How's your damn weather? I'm old now, so that shit matters for some damn reason, although I have not yet reached the point of my former inlaws, who watched The fucking Weather Channel all goddamn day long.

I love you bastards,


Tuesday, August 9, 2011

This is heartbreaking.

God bless Lauren and the Giddings family.

I bet they struggle to share more than that.

I Just Like the Damn Photo, Okay?

Sinead doesn't give two damn shits what the British Press think of her.

And she NEVER did.

On behalf of Sinead and all women who no longer look like their 20-year-old selves, I say: FUCK YOU BRITISH PRESS!

Shit SB Says in a Comment to Ms. Moon (SB's Damn Idol, No Matter What She Accomplishes or Does Not)

Why do we have to judge ourselves by how much we get accomplished for the damn day? Can't we rather judge ourselves by how much we enjoy the day? Thoreau would have said there was far more merit in that than in joining the damn rat race. Okay?

And also, I'm sorry, I know it's not the consensus, but I think Key West swimming lady is a damn idiot. Without a shark cage? What? MAJOR DUMB ASS. And that bitch is old enough to know better.

Shit SB Says to the Viking

Oh no you DO NOT. I don't want your damn naked ball sack sitting on my good couch. Put some goddamn pants on, asshole. I don't come over to your house and sit on grandma's couch with no underwear on. Where are your fucking manners? There are going to be SOME RULES if we live together.

[If you can't tell, SB is deeply in love.]

Monday, August 8, 2011

Quote of the Damn Day: Greg Dulli

moved to a nicer house. And I didn’t really like that other one. That was my business partner’s house, and it wasn’t for me. I’m not a duplex-y guy. I don’t need to hear the fighting or the fucking going on on the other side of the wall. I’m a standalone motherfucker.

[Note: Greg is from Cincinnati, Ohio, and was formerly a member of The Afghan Whigs.]

His dick is bigger than her. How does he get it in?

Yeah, I'm back from vacation. Thrilled to be here.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

I Just Like the Damn Picture, Okay?

Congratulations Sgt. Tim Ruch!

It couldn't have happened to a nicer fella.

Even a Bastard Deserves a Vacation

After today, my ass is off work until next Monday. The Viking and I aren't going anywhere (except to Cincinnati to see Paul McCartrey, as I call him). I will also be away from this blog and the Interwebs, in general, until next week. It will be a REAL vacation. No damn computer.

Catch you all next week at some point. SB loves y'all.

Mary, I'll give you a call, because I can't live without you for 5 days.