Monday, October 31, 2011

I Just Like the Damn Picture Because I Idolize Lou Reed

Lou's a grouchy old bitch, and so am I!

Jesus, what a joke.

How can you even have TRIED to fix things in that length of time?

Coco Halloween. GROSS.

This gave me the cries.

God bless Kory and Cooper.

Quote of the Damn Day: Bob Marley

Money can’t buy life.

--Bob Marley's last words

I would tell you what Bob Marley's words mean to me, but I can't even articulate it. They fill my heart. The picture above is my favorite photo of Bob, which I have in large-size, framed upon my wall. I look at it every day, and it makes me happy.

Friday, October 28, 2011

This touched my heart.

However much money Johnny makes, it is not enough.

Check out some of the fan encounters on my favorite Johnny Depp site, starting with this one.

Poor Johnny. These people are just nuts. They write about every minute detail. The actual meeting with Johnny is like 20 seconds, and these motherfuckers go on for 7 pages.

I guess Johnny is our Elvis. Laugh.

Better him than me, as my friend Joe in Georgia says.

If you didn't catch Johnny Depp on Letterman last night, try and do so.

The Hunter Thompson stories were great, and Johnny is such a sweetheart. He really is. I watched it over lunch and so enjoyed it.

I think he's sort of an asshole, but I'm with him on this.

Why You Should Not Exercise

I get it.

If I had to gather around the piano and sing church songs with my family, I'd probably open fire too.

I was very sorry to have found a Web site of my high school graduating class

One of my former classmates posted pictures of his vacation. Jesus.

The site master asked him the question: What do you do now?

Below is his illuminating response. It really makes me proud to have attended the same school with him. Clearly, we had such a quality education.

i worked at El corp. for 14 years but got fired for being bad,oops i got tired of all the back stabin assholes anyway.i still weld but at a smaller shop,i love it there!i do miss my 4 weeks paid vacation,dam-it,that suks big time.

More Shit SB Says

I'm in this weird phase where all I'll eat is sandwich spread. Egg salad. Seafood salad. Ham salad. You name it. I'm eating wheat bread as a hopeless concession to health, but I really only like Wonderbread. My grandpa only ever ate Wonderbread. Clearly, the fruit doesn't fall very damn far from the tree. And also, he was a grouch who pretty much hated people.

Shit SB Says

A whole lot of Americans are unhappy. Don't make the mistake of thinking the expanding waistlines are only due to all the damn food in this country. Some of us are trying to fill a hole inside. Something fundamental is just missing.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Marian Thompson Should NOT Get the Surviving Animals EVER

I Just Like the Damn Picture, Okay?

Marisa Berenson & Steven Meisel

Quote of the Damn Day: Marisa Berenson

I love that Tom Ford celebrates every age. He respects and loves the personality of the woman, it doesn't matter how old she is. He's not interested in 14-year-old waifs. Thanks to him and others, my career feels like a continuation, very active and ongoing. I'm still very busy.

Bernie the Fucking Altruist

He made people wealthier, and he also made his son deader. What a guy!

My Next Door Neighbors

My next door neighbors apparently ACTUALLY FUCKING LEFT for their camping vacation to Gettysburg this morning. This, despite the fact it was raining here in magnificent Buttfuck. It was no mean feat for Carol to get Lee's semi-agoraphobic ass out the door in the fine cold rain this morning. You motherfuckers need some back story to fully appreciate the sheer fucking awesomeness of Carol's powers of persuasion.

Here goes.

Several months ago Lee and Carol (who we shall henceforth call the Agoraphobes, when referring to them in tandem--despite the fact that Carol is not actually agoraphobic--it is ONLY fucking Lee). Anyhoo, several months ago, the Agoraphobes were excitedly packing the camper up over the course of several fucking days in preparation for this same trip to Gettysburg. The Viking, being one of Lee's oldest friends, fucking marveled at the sheer persuasive powers of Carol in being able to talk Lee's home-body ass into an actual off -property camping trip. In the past, Lee had camped in the trailer, but only in the back yard for a few days, due to the fact that he was pissed at Carol.

Well, after several days of furious camper-loading and Lee modeling his official wilderness hat (and my laughing my fucking ass off), the Agoraphobes were all packed and loaded and ready to go. But the next day, after I got off work, the fucking trailer was still parked in the goddamn driveway, and the Viking informed me that Lee had suddenly reneged on the trip, due to a forecast of rain in Gettysburg. Clearly, the fucking official hat did not instill Lee's agoraphobic ass with any sort of pioneering fucking spirit. I told the Viking that if I LOADED THE GODDAMN CAMPER UP FOR THREE FUCKING DAYS, my ass would have gone the fuck without Lee, and I might even have picked up a less agoraphobic specimen of manhood in Gettysburg.

So, a few days ago, I encountered Carol in the side yard, where she informed me (with no sense of shame, might I add) that they were again attempting the trip to Civil War town. You can imagine my DUBIOUS FUCKING TOTAL LACK OF HOPE for the prospect, but SB is nothing if not full of faux support for friends. And again, the fucking camper packing next door began in earnest, with a noted lack of millinery modeling by the Agorophobe. (The Viking took this as a potentially hopeful sign. I was not convinced.)

So, at about 5-fucking-a.m. this morning--the scheduled date of departure--the wooden outer screen door began slamming furiously as Carol and Lee entered and exited the house with some last-minute items. Thank you, fucking neighbors! I appreciate your concern for those of us bastards who are not vacationing, but instead slaving away at a job we HATE today. But I digress.

Imagine my TOTAL SURPRISE when I let the Diarrhetic Wunderkind's ass out to piss this morning, only to see with MY OWN SUCKY EYES that the Agoraphobeses trailer had actually left the damn driveway (and the side yard!). All I can figure is that Carol rushed Lee's only semi-coherent partially-awakened ass out the door and into the truck before he fully realized what was happening to him. BEFORE HE COULD FUCKING FULLY FUCKING REALIZE THAT HIS DUMB FAT ASS WAS ACTUALLY LEAVING THE DAMN DRIVEWAY!

What the fuck ever. It worked.

This is not Lee, but some other poor unfortunate motherfucker with extremely BAD taste in camping headwear.

Friday, October 21, 2011

I Just Like the Damn Photo, Okay?

Dhani Harrison (George's son, of course). Startling isn't it?

Another Quote from Ringo

We really looked out for each other and we had so many laughs together. In the old days we'd have the biggest hotel suites, the whole floor of the hotel, and the four of us would end up in the bathroom, just to be with each other.

There were some really loving, caring moments between four people: a hotel room here and there – a really amazing closeness. Just four guys who loved each other. It was pretty sensational.

Quote of the Damn Day: Ringo Starr on Fame

It's fun. But then you want it to stop, and it never does.

Shit SB Says

A motherfucker leaned so far outside the drive-thru window, fucker was nearly sitting in the damn car with me! I don't like a bitch invading my personal space.

Quote of the Damn Day: Paul Simon

I don't believe a heart can be filled to the brim, then vanish like mist as though life were a whim.

Maybe the heart is part of the mist. And that's all that there is or could ever exist. Maybe and maybe and maybe some more.

My Personal Anthem: The Obvious Child

This song really hit home and summed up the Bush years and the aftermath of 9/11 for me. I guess it also kind of expresses the feelings I'm currently having about being so politically disgusted. God forbid any campaigners show up on my doorstep, Democrats or Republicants, because I'm going to tell them to get the fuck off my property. I'd meet them with a gun to emphasize my point, but I don't have one. This is probably just as well.

I don't expect to be treated like a fool no more. I don't expect to sleep through the night. Amen.

And, I've been too busy to post much of late, but of course I'm with the folks down on Wall Street and across the country protesting. I think it's fantastic. If the movement is not very clear or defined, at least they're off their asses doing something. Hats off to them.

The Obvious Child
by Paul Simon

I'm accustomed to a smooth ride
Or maybe I'm a dog who's lost its bite
I don't expect to be treated like a fool no more
I don't expect to sleep through the night
Some people say a lie's a lie's a lie
But I say why
Why deny the obvious child?
Why deny the obvious child?

And in remembering a road sign
I am remembering a girl when I was young
And we said These songs are true
These days are ours
These tears are free
And hey
The cross is in the ballpark
The cross is in the ballpark

We had a lot of fun
We had a lot of money
We had a little son and we thought we'd call him Sonny
Sonny gets married and moves away
Sonny has a baby and moves to LA
Sonny gets sunnier
Day by day by day by day

I've been waking up at sunrise
I've been following the light across my room
I watch the night receive the room of my day
Some people say the sky is just the sky
But I say
Why deny the obvious child?
Why deny the obvious child?

Sonny sits by his window and thinks to himself
How it's strange that some rooms are like cages
Sonny's yearbook from high school
Is down from the shelf
And he idly thumbs through the pages
Some have died
Some have fled from themselves
Or struggled from here to get there
Sonny wanders beyond his interior walls
Runs his hand through his thinning brown hair

Well I'm accustomed to a smoother ride
Maybe I'm a dog that's lost his bite
I don't expect to be treated like a fool no more
I don't expect to sleep through the night
Some people say a lie is just a lie
But I say the cross is in the ballpark
Why deny the obvious child?

SB's Favorite Phrase Currently

He don't know four dogs got four assholes.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Asshole Politician of the Week: Ohio Governor John Kasich

In response to the Thompson exotic pet slaughter at a meeting of Dix Communications editors on Wednesday.

Clearly, we need tougher laws. We haven't had them in this state. Nobody's dealt with this, and we will. And we'll deal with it in a comprehensive way.

Dumb shit useless asshole politician. Kasich let the regulations that were in place, lapse. Why don't you wait and deal with it in a comprehensive way AFTER the animals (including 19 rare Bengal tigers) have been slaughtered? Fuck you.

I didn't vote for the son-of-a-bitch.

An Update on the Asshole Terry Thompson's Legacy of Loving-Kindness to His Exotic Animals

I am especially sickened to hear that the Sheriffs in Zanesville, Ohio, shot and killed 19 rare Bengal tigers from that asshole Terry Thompson's collection of exotic animals. I hate Thomspon, and I hope he rots in hell. I also hope the animal that bit him did so while he could still feel it.

Tragic: Sheriff's deputies shot nearly 50 wild animals - including 18 rare Bengal tigers and 17 lions - across the state's countryside on Wednesday

Thank you to the Cincinnati Zoo for taking the pitiful allotment of surviving animals.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

This is disgusting.

I wonder what the attempts to euthanize Andrea TWICE did to her health, aside from the neurological damage. Jesus, what she has been through. . . . and she is still loving and likes people (watch the video). Unbelievable.

‘It is very disturbing to realise how many other animals have survived the gas chamber, only to be gassed again or, worse, placed in a plastic bag alive and left to suffocate in a cold cooler.’

And to Aaron Crim, obviously a very bright light as West Valley City Director of Publications and a master of damn understatement:
All animals really want to live, you moron!


Thank you.

I hope Terry Thompson rots in hell for this.

Where do I start here? My state (Ohio) has virtually NO restrictions on owning exotic animals. It is appalling and the reason for situations like this one. I also fault the fucking pathetic legal system in this less than great state. Why was this son-of-a-bitch allowed to keep these animals in the first place? In 2005, when Thompson was convicted of cruelty to animals, why didn't they take his animals away and place them elsewhere?

Please take a moment to sign this petition requesting that the sale of exotic pets in Ohio be restricted.

I Just Like the Damn Picture, Okay?

Monday, October 17, 2011

Quote of the Damn Day: Steve Jobs

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away.

Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

I Just Like the Damn Picture

Bubba & Bono at a memorial service for Steve Jobs.

Friday, October 14, 2011

I'm Whitney Houson, Bitch!

This ho has been taking tips from Alice Walton.

This Dumb Bitch Is Going to Need Another New Nose Soon

Your Cute for the Damn Day

You're welcome!

ALLEGED Quote of the Damn Day: Alice Walton, Walmart Heiress

To a responding officer after hitting a gas meter:

I'm Alice Walton, bitch!

I hate the damn Walmart, but I dig Alice's special economy with words.

Case in Point About Pit Bulls

This one's owner was clearly a scumbag. I DO NOT AT ALL believe such behavior is inherent in the breed.

Others, who asked not to be identified, said the owner abused his animal -- turning a once-tame pet into a snarling beast.

“I knew him when he was a good-natured and good dog,” said one man. “I took him for a walk once. The dog takes on the personality of the owner.

“If the dog is mistreated, he’s going to mistreat others.”

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

SB Is Taking a Sabbatical from the Blog World

I am just burnt out, folks. I will still be around to your blogs from time-to-time, and I will post when I feel inspired, but it's no longer going to be daily.

Thanks for coming along for the ride. I love all of you motherfuckers.


Thursday, October 6, 2011

Well-Hung Squirrel

Look at the dink and nutsack on this guy! DAMN.

She's really going to be a fat ass after the baby plonks out of her vag.

I'm so sure it's about love and not money.

Jesus. There wouldn't be enough money in the world to have to hit that shit.

Surely, this is nice legacy for Mr. Jobs to leave

Your Cute for the Damn Day: Pitbull Pup Left to Starve Doing Better

You're welcome!

SB thinks pitbulls are given a bad rap. If they turn mean, I am convinced that people (like Michael Vick) make them that way.

Rest in Peace, Reverend Fred Shuttlesworth

Mr. Shuttlesworth may not have been afraid of whitey, but I am (and I am white!). Fred was a brave and decent human being, and God bless him. He was a cute old guy, too.

Note: I think that saying that somebody was a decent human being after they die is about the nicest thing you can say. Don't you? There are so many indecent human beings in the world.

I think they should have captured this shit on live television. It could have been like OJ's run. We could have all cheered Caroline's old ass, on.

Missed opportunity.

I am so proud that this moron is from Georgia.

I love the French. I really do.

Ingenious. I'm all for it.

SB will eat almost anything I can get my hands on. Does that mean they will want to euthanize me next?


Since when does this ho's family come FIRST?

What a lying scumbag. Good riddance.


I Just Like the Damn Guys in the Photo, Okay?

Just Breathe

I watched Cameron Crowe's documentary, Pearl Jam Twenty, last night and really enjoyed it. I think you'd have to be a fan already to really get the most out of it, but maybe not. The end credits rolled to Just Breathe, which I think may be the most beautiful love song of all-time.

Just Breathe

Yes, I understand that every life must end, uh-huh
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, uh-huh
Oh I'm a lucky man, to count on both hands the ones I love
Some folks just have one, yeah, others, they've got none

Stay with me...
Let's just breathe...

Practiced all my sins, never gonna let me win, uh-huh
Under everything, just another human being, uh-huh
I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world to make me bleed

Stay with me
You're all I see...

Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see
No one knows this more than me

As I come clean...
I wonder everyday, as I look upon your face, uh-huh
Everything you gave
And nothing you would save, oh no

Nothing you would take
Everything you gave...

Did I say that I need you?
Oh, did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see
No one knows this more than me
And I come clean, ah...

Nothing you would take
Everything you gave
Hold me til I die
Meet you on the other side...

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Okay, we've decided she's probably not a villain. Can we not make her a hero now?

I am sick to damn death of the extremes in the fucking media.

I Just Like the Damn Picture, Okay?

The lovely Diane Keaton.

It's Going to Be a Great Day. NOT.

I had to talk to three sons-a-bitches on the way in from the car to my cubicle, and my cocksucking Pop-Tart got stuck in the damn toaster in the break room. I risked electrocution to get it out, and fucker came out in 80 pieces.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Quote of the Damn Day: Jimmy Dean (not the damn sausage guy either)

If a man can bridge the gap between life and death, if he can live on after he's dead, then maybe he was a great man.

Shit SB Says

Everybody thinks their kid is a damn genius, but there aren't that many actual geniuses in the world. Do the math.

Somebody Needs a Damn Bra

Lindsay Lotits.

Your Cute for the Damn Day

You're welcome!