Shit SB Says in Comments to Her Dear Friend, Jeannie

If you locate your penis, please let me know where. Maybe then I can find my own. I've always wanted one. I've been marrying them, but that just causes too much damn trouble.

Jeannie's fantabulous blog: http://mytwocents2.blogspot.com/

Conversation with a Co-Worker

You know the Cleveland Browns have a pretty good team this year.

That's what I've heard, but I just can't wrap my mind around that. It's like George W. Bush suddenly becoming intelligent.

[Sorry Tom J.]

My Great Aunt's 80th Birthday Party

Over the weekend, the Moms and I drove our fat asses to Indianapolis, Indiana, to my Great Aunt's birthday party. Teta's ass made it to 80. Holy fuck! Of course, her ass proceeded to sleep through most of her own party, but the way I see it, it was HER DAMN PARTY, plus at 80, a bitch should be able to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, right? Are you with me, motherfuckers?

[I forgot to mention that on the drive over to Hoosierville, I nearly killed us in a cocksucking construction zone. I was trying to find a CD in my holder, and the Moms said: Let me find it. You are driving. So I says: No, I'd prefer to put both our lives in danger. And almost instantly, I started to drive off on the damn shoulder, and then had to try to use the steering wheel to right the fucking car, and it was a scary minute, let me tell you, good people. We almost took some sonofabitch in a Neon out in the next lane. I really only sweated injuring the Moms. I am never in a panic over my own life. I am a depressed person. I just don't have the damn energy.]

Teta got a little pissy when my sister tried to help her feisty ass open the gift we brought her. Bitch said: IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, DEBBIE!

My Aunt is like a short little 80 year old Macedonian fireball. THOU SHALT NOT FUCK WITH HER! Do not. Try it.

Anyhoo, at one point during the damn fiesta, the Moms and I got trapped by this lady my Aunt worked with years ago in psychiatric nursing. Bitch was a nice enough lady, but BOY WAS HER ASS A CHATTY MOTHERFUCKER! Jesus Christ. I escaped, but the poor Moms was stuck for quite a damn while [I abandoned her ass. It's every man for himself when a chatty motherfucker comes around!]. It was like--Jesus Christ lady, take a damn breath. It's a wonder there was any oxygen left in the room for the rest of us.

My ass ambled over to the dining table at one point, where Teta was holding forth with a very old friend--a cute old gentleman--who said they had just diagnosed him with the Alzheimer's. He said: Oh well, what can you do? And that's right, goddammit--what IS a bitch to do? The way I see it, the old fucker had the right attitude.

Teta has the damn dementia, so her ass introduced the Moms and I and turned our names around. She also introduced me as the mother and the Moms as the daughter. I said: Shit, Teta, don't make me any damn older. Jesus.

The third lady at the table told us she was 82, and her ass was in pretty good shape for 82. Later though, my sister took us aside and said the old bitch was actually 81. What the fuck ever, I say. What does it matter when you're that fucking old if you want to add a damn year or two on? Go the fuck ahead. What's another damn year when your ass witnessed the Ice Age? Sometimes, I tell motherfuckers I'm 50, just so they'll say I look good for my age. It makes me feel better about myself. Fuck it.

Quote of the Damn Day: May Thigpen

It is easy to get disillusioned, but the more I thought about it this morning the more I clearly saw how people never see the affect they have on the world. All the people who got arrested to sit at lunch counters, or to love the ones they love, they were each one person in one moment in time. Did it make their lives better? No, it probably made their lives pretty shitty actually, but it makes our lives better. We would be letting them down if we gave up so easily.

[I hope it's okay that I posted this, May. I adore you! You are VERY WISE.]

Way to Go, Santa Ana Sphincter Police

"There was nothing they could do, of course, there was no suspect and no crime had been committed. The officer said 'what it is, is a string on a door.' My vision got blurry, I was embarrased and felt stupid for making the call. I took a deep breath and said 'Do you see any correlation between the fact that this is a gay office and there was a noose left on our door in the wake of all of these teen suicides?' The officer said, 'Sometimes you just have to live with being a victim,' and proceeded to mention that his car had been broken into before."

Link to full story about the sphincter police: http://blogs.ocweekly.com/navelgazing/2010/10/equality_california_noose_sant.php

Shit SB Says in Comments to the Gorgeous Ms. Moon, Her Damn Idol

Wowsa. Now that's a compound! Can't see a damn thing wrong with it, except the mannequin. That shit gives me the creeps. That bitch would have to go! I wouldn't be able to come and visit until her ass went. I would be afraid to go to sleep. I have serious mannequin issues.

Quote of the Damn Day: the Inimitable Ms. Moon

I'll say this- money may not be able to buy you love but it can sure buy the fuck out of an election.

I'm not dead. I just wish I were.

I'm not dead. My damn laptop just came down with a handful of viruses (we all clean now), so I have a lot to catch the fuck up on. I'll be back to posting soonish.

Love to all my motherfuckers!

Shit SB Says in Comments

I have a few pictures of Coco's fat ass on my blog and perverty Germans are always coming by and checking that shit out. They are probably wanking off to it. Oh well, at least my blog serves a purpose, even if it's just fodder for a Germanic wank fest.

SB's Favorite GA Bulldog

I know this Georgia football shit bores most of you motherfuckers, but indulge me. It's my damn blog, so I HAVE CONTROL! I can write about WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT! And I love this man. He is my favorite Georgia Bulldog. Bad-ass motherfucker is going to kick some damn Gator butt tormorrow. As a bonus, dude can dance like a motherfucker. During the warm-up last week at the UGA/KY game, fucker was shaking some fine ass out on the field. [Dancing with the Stars call Washaun's fine young ass NOW!]

SB LOVES YOU, WASHAUN EALEY! Fuck you, Gators--the Dawgs are going to take a chunk out of your overfed fat dumb Gator asses tomorrow. We're comin' for you, motherfuckers!

[Supportive comments about the Gators will not be posted. Bite my Georgia ass.]

Shit SB Says

I got an over-priced German Bob Marley coffee cup at the Kroger here in Buttfuck, Ohio. How cool is that?

Get up, stand up, motherfucker!

SB Would Hang with These Bitches

Memaw's Teabagging for Jesus

Bless her little heart!

Wonder (Old) Woman

Even Wonder Woman turns in to an old-ass woman with hangy tits and flabby thighs. It happens to everyone, bitches! EVEN LYNDA CARTER AGES. If it can happen to her, it can happen to any of us. If I don't teach your special-ed asses anything else, let it be that.

One Fucked-Up Halloween Costume

If this bitch is passing out candy, my ass doesn't want any! Cheap perverty-ass motherfucker. I guess he couldn't get his genitals and his brain together. His dick wanted to go as Spider Man. The rest of his conflicted ass wanted to be Tigger.