I found him more interesting taking a nap than most people are wide awake.

I miss him damn near every day.

When Will You Die?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2129956/Dick-Cheneys-public-appearance-heart-transplant.html

Yesterday is not soon enough.

Shit SB E-mails Her Idol of Greatness, Ms. Moon

I think Girl Scout cookies suck ass compared to when I was a kid. They always have Girl Scouts outside our Kroger, trying to guilt you out of your money on the way in and out of the market. I don’t like kids, so I just bare my teeth at them.

Also, little kids are always running up to me when I am walking Ginger or Kyle (The Viking's dog). They always want to "PET THE DOGGIE!” I lie and say they bite small children. I don’t want to be bothered.

The Chinese SUCK ASS

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2130137/Tigers-horseback-chained-monkeys-riding-bicycles-Cruel-Chinese-circus-flouts-government-ban.html

I consider all cats my brothers. This is vile. Too bad the cat didn't get loose and eat the children.

CIRCUSES SUCK. CHINESE CIRCUSES SUCK TOTAL ASS.

Shit SB Says to a Co-Worker

It's my birthday. I'm going to go out at lunch and get drunk and come back a hot mess.

Shit SB Says About a Picture of James Fucking Dean

I am guessing by all the Tchotchkes that Jimmy was at his parent's farmhouse in this photo, although he was a gay man. Maybe he liked little ceramic birds and shit.

A Conversation

That was one of the dwarf couple I told you about, who live here in town, in the passenger seat of the car that just went by.

You’re shitting me. I thought it was just a really old-looking little kid. I thought you were making that town dwarf shit up. I thought that was an Urban Legend.

“We are the loly-pop kids. The loly-pop kids.” 

Hey, that shit’s not funny. Okay, it sort of is.

Carol has been inside their house, and everything is made to scale, even the shitter. Can you imagine your six-foot ass trying to take a dump in there?

The male dwarf writes police departments around the country to try and get them to send him free shirt patches. It’s his hobby. He’s got a collection.

I’m sure he does. Motherfucker could sew one police patch on the front of an infant’s fucking t- shirt and have a cheap, yet smart-looking shirt, to impress his dwarf friends. Or, alternately, he could sew four of the fucking patches together and make a damn tent. Even dwarves like camping. Can you imagine? Half a can a beer and the little midget fucker would be lit. Now that’s a cheap date.

Shit SB Says to Her Idol of GREATNESS, Ms. Moon

I’ve got an idea for a new MTV show called Cheney Death Watch/House Party. Me and the kids from Jersey Shore will party together every week until he dies, and then we’ll have a REALLY BIG PARTY. Whaddya think?

Shit SB Says

I don't care about the back of my hair. I don't have to look at it, so I could give a shit.

More Shit SB Says

We are the only species that offs itself, but we have opposable thumbs. We have that going for us.

Shit SB Says to Her Idol of Beauty, Ms. Moon

I love the part about Ed writing little notes telling people who collected his junk to get a life. My grandfather, who was a total grouch, used to bitch out the people who came in to his carryout and bought cheap beer. I told him: Well, you carry it. You shouldn’t carry shitty beer if you don’t want them buying it. He called one regular customer cheap to his face. Can you see why I have no inheritance? 

Fuck You BP for Your Patronizing Attitude Towards the Southern People

BP thinks the southern people are dumb or have REALLY short memories. Every time I see this ad, I get so mad, I could spit nails. I will NEVER EVER purchase gas from BP. We know what you did, you greedy capitalist fuckers. Your commercial is insulting as fuck. It just rubs salt in the wound.

Aren't y'all sweet BP to have done all of this to help us poor dumb southerners out? Aw shucks. Thanks BP!

I'm still bleeding a little from being fucked in the ass. Maybe y'all can make another commercial about how I ought to be grateful for that, too.

Happy Holidays to All My Motherfuckers!

I promised I would still post from time to time. So, here it is bitches! I did not lie to my peeps.

I just want to wish all of you and yours a VERY happy holiday season and the best goddamn new year EVER. I think we all deserve it.

Love,

SB

A Christmas Exchange While Out Walking the Dog the Other Night

Merry Christmas!

Lady, I know you mean well, but I'm about as Christian as Jesus's right nut.

Well, there's no need to be profane about it.

Shit SB Says in an E-mail to Ms. Moon

I just said something positive in the hallway to the arrogant son-of-a-bitch I can’t stand. I’ve done my Christmas duty. I even smiled at the fucker.