More Shit SB Says

We are the only species that offs itself, but we have opposable thumbs. We have that going for us.

Shit SB Says to Her Idol of Beauty, Ms. Moon

I love the part about Ed writing little notes telling people who collected his junk to get a life. My grandfather, who was a total grouch, used to bitch out the people who came in to his carryout and bought cheap beer. I told him: Well, you carry it. You shouldn’t carry shitty beer if you don’t want them buying it. He called one regular customer cheap to his face. Can you see why I have no inheritance? 

Fuck You BP for Your Patronizing Attitude Towards the Southern People

BP thinks the southern people are dumb or have REALLY short memories. Every time I see this ad, I get so mad, I could spit nails. I will NEVER EVER purchase gas from BP. We know what you did, you greedy capitalist fuckers. Your commercial is insulting as fuck. It just rubs salt in the wound.

Aren't y'all sweet BP to have done all of this to help us poor dumb southerners out? Aw shucks. Thanks BP!

I'm still bleeding a little from being fucked in the ass. Maybe y'all can make another commercial about how I ought to be grateful for that, too.

Happy Holidays to All My Motherfuckers!

I promised I would still post from time to time. So, here it is bitches! I did not lie to my peeps.

I just want to wish all of you and yours a VERY happy holiday season and the best goddamn new year EVER. I think we all deserve it.

Love,

SB

A Christmas Exchange While Out Walking the Dog the Other Night

Merry Christmas!

Lady, I know you mean well, but I'm about as Christian as Jesus's right nut.

Well, there's no need to be profane about it.

Shit SB Says in an E-mail to Ms. Moon

I just said something positive in the hallway to the arrogant son-of-a-bitch I can’t stand. I’ve done my Christmas duty. I even smiled at the fucker.

The Moms Thinks the Damn Spirit Guides Are Coming to Get Her

I was telling Ms. Moon that the Moms was shopping at Marshall's yesterday and noticed a cart needing to pass coming up behind her. The Moms turned around to let the man with the cart pass, and he was a young Pakistani/Indian man, and he asked the Moms: Do you believe in angels or spirit guides? 

Well I think I have said before that Moms think angels are a load of damn hooey and something about them actively angers her. So before she could answer, the young man said: Because you’re surrounded by them.

The Moms was in total fucking shock. She replied: Well, I guess I am lucky. And the young man said: No, you are blessed. And with that, he turned and left.

Because I know about the Mom’s special angel aversion, she called to tell me about her encounter, and her voice was really upset and shaky. At first, I thought something had happened to Daddums or that she'd been robbed or in an accident or some shit. She said she was just in shock. I told her I thought maybe the young man was a messenger of some sort.

Ms. Moon's reply to the situation cracked me up. See below.

Your poor mom. Look- crazy people can look sane. I had a guy tell me once that I was surrounded by loving spirits of black labs or something like that and I've never owned a black lab in my life and don't care for dogs. But hell- if she's surrounded by spirits then that's great and she doesn't need to change a thing because they've always been there, most likely. 


My response to Ms. Moon's reply below.

I will tell mom about the loving spirits of black labs thing. That will crack her up. The whole thing sort of weirded her out—like the angels are coming to take her away or some shit. I had to try to calm her down. She goes from zero belief in angels to actively FEARING them. Thanks Pakistani guy! He probably thought he was being helpful.

Shit SB Types in Her Ritual Morning E-mail to the Damn Goddess, Ms. Moon

Jesus H. I was saying, before the motherfucker sent, that I thought you might have read late and slept in. GOOD FOR YOU!

Ginger kept fucking slurp/licking all night, so I was awakened like 40 cocksucking times! Motherfucker is sleeping downstairs tonight, and all the motherfucking pussies too. Puppine kept trying to get in the boxes in the bedroom. How can a bitch get good sleep when a bitch is awakened 97 times a night? I ask you.

Quote of the Damn Day: Peter Tosh

Peace is the diploma you get in the cemetery.

I miss him. I love him. And he is on my mind this morning.

The silhouette is unmistakable, isn't it? And don't start with the child molester shit, because like Liz Taylor, I don't believe one damn word of it. Mike was my generation's Sinatra. I literally grew up with him, and I find it terribly sad that the younger generation only thinks of him as this weird child perv.

I could watch Michael dance for hours on end, and I will be sad about Michael until I go wherever he's at now. I wish him peace.

I wish Eleanor Jeffery so much more than luck.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2059505/Why-doctors-death-sentence-wont-stop-marrying-man-I-adore.html

NEWSFLASH: Madonna's Still a Pain-in-the-Ass

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2060020/Madonna-I-Lourdes-hard-time-shes-lazy-writer.html

I Just Like the Damn Picture, Okay? Pirate Pussy!

Jesus, they sure look innocent to me.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2059790/Milwaukee-roommates-Rebecca-Chandler-Raven-Larabees-sex-torture-marathon.html

Where was Kanye? I think he should have grabbed this award away from her dumb ass, too.

SB would have watched this boring ass shit if Kanye had been there! Kanye's mere presence makes shit EXCITING.

http://www.nypost.com/p/pagesix/taylor_swift_cma_crib_notes_ix68vpn9EoRRahdJqGyvFI