My Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap

I LOVE Real Housewives and will happily discuss anytime. I watch all of them, even Lisa’s stupid knock-off show—Vanderpump Rules. Those kids are all such self-centered idiots. I watch it mainly just to bitch out loud about the young dolts on the screen. The cats sometimes get upset, because they think my raised voice means I am upset with them.

 

Carlton is a BIG oddball. I am sort of fascinated with her though. She certainly enjoys acting bisexual, but she pushes it so much, I’m not sure that it’s not just a sexy act for her husband. Her cleavage is nasty as fuck. I don’t know if she had a bad boob job or what. A bitch needs to cover that shit up! She'll probably put a spell on me for saying that.

 

Kyle looked so beautiful in the blue dress she wore to the combo birthday party in the show last night. Damn, what a figure! I can’t believe she’s had that many kids and looks that good still. I look fat and gross and I’ve had no kids. What’s my excuse?

 

Joyce has GREAT hair, so does Kyle, but she is so sickeningly sweet, I don’t buy it. It’s got to be an act.

 

I dig Kim. A bitch is just nutty as fuck. Talk about a dry drunk.

 

I sort of like Brandi, mainly because she amuses me, and because I HATE stupid Leanne Rimes. Leanne must eat herself up with jealousy over Brandi’s pretty face and gorgeous figure. Leanne will NEVER have a pretty face. EVER.

 

Yolanda would make the best friend of the lot. She is just very centered and calm and has a good philosophy about things. I really like her.

Don't you lazy bitches expect me to recap every episode of Real damn Housewives either! I don't have the time to explain what you  just saw to all of you. I have 8 cats, a geriatric dog, a full-time job, a house, and a Viking to take care of. DO THE WORK, MOTHERFUCKERS!