Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Do you suppose W. force-cuddles this poor fucker?


It would have been luckier for the cat if he had died. W. killed thousands of soldiers, but he saved a cat. Neato. All is forgiven now.


Also, please note that the cat does not look happy in the photo. And I should know from cats. All you cat lovers out there pray for this poor sonofabitch. W. probably named it Bob because he could actually spell that shit. 

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

A reply to one of my best goddamn friends in the world, Ms. Moon

[About the tendency of older Ohioans to sit in their garages, rather than the porch.]

That’s because southerners have some damn sense. Porches are designed for sitting on, enjoying the breeze (or not), and visiting with neighbors. Fucking idiot mid-westerners sit in the DAMN NO-BREEZE fucking garage. Mid-westerners are idiots.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Paula Deen Has Apologized, Now Let's Move the Fuck On

When I was growing up, my poor overwrought mother taught me that when you did something wrong, you couldn't always apologize and fix it, but that sometimes apologizing is the best and only thing you can do in light of a grievous error. You might still be in the wrong for having committed the error, but even if you couldn't make it right or take it back, you needed to at least humbly say you were sorry.

Paula Deen has apologized and admitted that using the N-word was ignorant and wrong. Now, can we all just move the fuck on and let it rest? If you are still mad and don't want to watch Paula on QVC or buy any of her shit at fucking Walmart, then fine. Don't. But maybe, just maybe, that says more about your unforgiving ass than it does about Paula.

And also, I think it's only fair to mention, that old girl who started all this bullshit with her gold-digging lawsuit, worked for Paula and Bubba for FIVE years. Clearly, her dumb ass REALLY suffered from all the racist comments she was subjected to. A bitch was lapping the money up for FIVE FUCKING YEARS. You've got to admire her loyalty.


I have to say that part of my family is southern, and even my sweet old Grandma Peg, who was raised by a black woman that she loved, and who wouldn't harm a damn fly, was racist at times. I'm not saying it's right, I'm just being honest and saying that's how it was. And before everybody from the south gets all worked up, I am NOT saying all southerners are racists. I know many, many who are not. Not one damn bit.

And my dear Paula, if you happen to read this, e-mail me. I'll be your publicist, and I'll do a damn sight better job handling your affairs, for a lot less money. This whole situation should have been strongly and emphatically addressed a damn sight quicker. And, by the way, Paula, SB still loves you and thinks you're a good old gal. Fuck the haters. Haters gonna hate. That's their nature.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

The bad painter here in the office is at it again.

He just brought in his latest work. It is some sort of bright orange Tyrannosaurus fucking Rex. I shit you not. As if it could be any worse, it’s on a bright periwinkle blue background. Jesus fucking H. I take one look at his artwork and I long for death.

Religious Shit SB Says to Ms. Moon

That’s what faith is, I guess. Believing in something retarded despite the empirical evidence.

Friday, June 7, 2013

Mean Shit SB Says to Her Idol of Greatness, Ms. Moon

One of the skinny young guys in here brought in donuts this morning. I just heard this lady I work with say, “I quit smoking last year and ballooned up.” And she really did get fat inordinately quickly. All of this went down as her fat ass reached for a damn donut. This lady has a daughter getting married next year, and she told donut-bringer-guy: “I refuse to be a fat mother of the bride.” If a bitch keeps helping her fat ass to the damn donuts, she ain’t gonna get any skinnier.

Friday, May 17, 2013

Shit SB Says

Blogging is dead. And all of us who still blog are just fucking a dead corpse. And that's fine by me actually.

An Original Poem Entitled "Fog" by SB

[I had a little help from Carl Sandburg on this shit. Credit where credit's due.]

Fog

The damn fog comes
on little cat feets.

A bitch parks its fat ass
over harbor and hood
and then a motherfucker
fucks silently off.

On this blog the celebration of SAME SEX LOVE is allowed.

Here is a delightful picture of George Michaels and his man friend, Fadi Fawaz, holding hands. It warms my heart, and if you don't like it, piss off back to your republican convention.

Hold on tight: George Michael was snapped walking hand in hand with his boyfriend Fadi Fawaz in Sydney, Australia

I am glad to see my posts on porn stars still get so many hits.

I know you sick fucks only stop by to try and get your perve on. THANKS! It's about the only thing that keeps my blog stats alive these days. I'm not too proud, bitches! And you're not either, so fuck you for being holier than fucking thou, motherfuckers.

SB LOVES YOU GEORGE MICHAELS!

OK, my ass knows it's George Michael, but I had a friend who used to say George Michaels and it stuck. Anyhoo, SB's beloved George was involved in a motorway accident yesterday, and you all know how upset I got when he was in jail (a bitch hosted GEORGE MICHAELS JAIL WATCH, and I didn't sleep well til his ass was out of the slam), so I just wanted to wish George well and give him a shout out. We are all THRILLED AS PISS that ONCE AGAIN George has evaded that cold and cunning bastard, Death.

The Moms and I were fans clear back when I was in high school and George was whamming it up and CHOOSING LIFE.

I am George's NUMBER 1 AMERICAN FAN, and I defy any of you motherfuckers to say it ain't so!

More info on the heart-stopping (for SB) incident can be found here:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2326118/Singer-George-Michael-hospital-airlifted-scene-M1-crash.html

Thank you Daily Mail (even though George Michaels probably HATES you for tabloiding him all the time) for keeping George's NUMBER 1 AMERICAN FAN up to date on George's life events.

I'm actually considering turning this into THE GEORGE MICHAELS NUMBER 1 AMERICAN FAN blog or a Cat Lovers blog. I can't decide. You can leave your opinion in the comments section, however, I probably won't take it into account. I have the Borderline Personality Disorder, so I'm inconsiderate and self-centered. That's just how I roll, people!

Let's all say a prayer for George's continued recovery. Let's generate some positive energy and blow it George's way! I always wanted to blow George.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Hooray for Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz!

It's a free country. You can sell your shares of Starbucks and buy shares in another company. 

--Howard Schultz to a shareholder who criticized the company's support for gay marriage

Well done, Mr. Schultz. Way to go! Let's all buy extra coffee at Starbucks to show that we support a company helmed by someone with such obvious integrity.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2298637/Howard-Schultz-Starbucks-CEO-video-defending-company-anti-gay-activist.html