Wednesday, March 4, 2009

63 Barbies

SB loved Barbie dolls as a kid. At one point, my motherfucking ass had 63 total dolls. All of them weren't Barbies, to be honest. I had three Charlie's Angel dolls, a damn Cher doll, and some Dawn Dolls thrown in for good measure. What I didn't have was a date for my damn dolls that was worth a shit. I had one Ken doll, and my dolls treated his ass like dirt. They stood his poorly-wardrobed and accessorized ass up at every turn. They also occasionally gave him the beat down. He wore a white belt and shoes. Can you blame them?

Ken was dumped countless times for being a Gayken. In fact, I believe one of the hos once came right out and spelled it out for Ken's dumb ass. Bitch said, "Your problem, Ken, is that you're about as exciting as a wet wash cloth. Got me, you fucking effeminate retard?"

For a short while, I copped my brother's GI Joe doll, and I had a manly date for my bitches, but his rock-hard ass was a little short to date my fabby Barbies, so I retired him as a date and made him a mean pimp. Then, my creative ass improvised in order to resolve the date problem. I cut the hair of several of my least favorite female dolls (I burned the hair off one of the Dawn Dolls, and her fucking face melted and that shit was not a pretty sight--she became Freak Show Dawn), and these shorn dolls became tranny males, named Rod Stewart or Nick Rhodes or David Bowie. David was a popular date because he had A REALLY BIG PEEN! Not really, but I had a good imagination.

One of my dolls was a lesbian, and her ass liked dating a butched-up girl doll just fine. Their asses were kissing all the time! This happy pair lived in the Barbie camper and that fucking trailer was always rocking! They lived happily ever after.



Alec Beattie said...

You think I'VE got a problem with squirrel fixation? 63 Barbies! I bet you had names for all of them, and could tell them apart...

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Of course I did/could!