Friday, January 30, 2009

Black Toilet Paper! Whaaaaa?

Uhmmmm, okay. Does anybody else see a problem with this, besides the fact that the black dye might rub off on your penis, vag, or no-no hole? How do you know when you are done wiping if the damn buttwipe is black? Also, it's five bucks a damn roll! In this economy? And get this, they're sold out currently! Stupid rich fucks!

[Actual Ad Print]

We're sorry, this product is temporarily sold out. Email us, and we'll notify you as soon as it's back in stock!

Why stock your bathroom with boring white 2-ply when you can treat your toosh to luxury European bath tissue in sophisticated black, orange, red or green? Already popular in the hottest clubs and restaurants from New York to Milan, this soft, elegant 3-ply tissue is a great way to accent your bathroom for parties and will certainly get your guests talking! Three rolls come packaged in a chic gift canister.

This toilet Paper has been dermatologically and gynecologically tested. It is a biodegradable, non-toxic, soothing tissue and does not bleed any color when wet
[BULLSHIT. Personally, SB is not anxious to test this theory. The dye probably gives you rectal cancer]. Made of 100% biodegradable, virgin pulp [virgin pulp, people, so that's why it costs five bucks a roll!] that is chlorine-free and entirely recyclable. A fun, stylish gift for the hostess that has everything! Made in Portugal. (Sorry, no returns on this item.)

Available in Red, Black, Orange and Green.

As seen on HGTV's I Want That!


[End Stupid Goddamn Ad] [The parts in parentheses were not a part of the orignal ad.]

First of all, if your damn party guests are talking about toilet paper, either it's a REALLY BORING party, or you have mentally challenged friends, or both!

Talk about a conversation stopper--

What do you do for a living?

I test toilet paper dermatologically and gynecologically.

Uhmmmm, okay.

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