Friday, January 30, 2009

Toilet Paper: The Untold Story of the Civil War

Mr. SB: [closing a book] That was a really fact-filled book about the Civil War. Man, the details were unbelievable.

SB: Did it say whether or not they had toilet paper during the Civil War? I've often wondered. I would not have gone away to war if there was no toilet paper. Somebody needs to write a book on the role that buttwipe played in the Civil War. It's probably why the South fell. The North had all the supplies. The fucking Yankees commandeered all the buttwipe! That's why we lost.


Alec Beattie said...

Brilliant. I've submitted an article for the college mag about how the toilet paper in the bathrooms is 10cm narrower than conventional bumrag, and prone to causing 'accidents'. I think that'll come back marked 'rejected'. And the Superbowl is being broadcast by the BBC - no ads!!!!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I really hate the giant narrow rolls like you find at stadiums! You just have to use twice as much because the roll is so damn skinny.

You lucky sod! I love the BBC. God bless them. Actually I prefer the BBC overall to American broadcasting. The shows and celebrities are about 10 times better. Take Pete Burns, for instance.

Beth said...

Okay SB this love affair with Alec has gone on long enough! Have you forgotten that Alec's forefathers are directly responsible for the "game" of golf? Perhaps if you had spent the decade of the '90s traipsing around environmentally hazardous and freakishly green lawns following your husband while he chased a tiny ball around you would feel a little differently, hmmm? AND ANOTHER THING how dare you besmirch the superbowl commercials which as any multi-celled lifeform knows are the only decent part of the superbowl? And don't you and your knobby-kneed Scot even try to gang up on me about this because I'll just do what MY forefathers did and kick both your asses back across the pond!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Alec is my bro. Lay off his damn knees!

Incidentally, I love golf. It's one of the few sports you can play while driving drunk (in a cart). Great game!

The Superbowl commercials suck and that guy who is hosting the half-time show, Jerry O'Connell, is one creepy motherfucker. What's up with the shape of his face? He looks like a damn cartoon character or something! NO WAY SB is watching that shit.

Alec Beattie said...

Beth - For the record, I hate golf. It's a game for pricks. And my knees are decidedly unknobbly. And my forebears made your country great.