Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Mandatory Pepaw/Memaw Curfew

Okay, I'm ready for the raft of shit I'm going to get over this post (from my three readers)--the cries of ageism and the shame-on-yous. But I don't give a shit, I've got a thick skin. I went to high school in a small farm community, where if you weren't a member of FFA or a football player or a cheerleader or a republican, you got the shit beat out of you on a regular basis. Anyway, I'm probably going to lose the two regular readers I have in Mom and Dad's trailer park (excuse me--retirement community), but Sarcastic Bastard must opine. I exist because I opine. I opine, therefore, I am.

Anywho, we have one of the new Kroger Marketplace's about two miles from the house, and after work or on weekends (the only time I can shop BECAUSE I AM A SEMI-PRODUCTIVE WORKING PERSON AND HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE, since my Mom and Dad weren't enterprising enough to provide me with an inheritance to sponge off of), there is always some memaw or pepaw in my way. Inevitably, I am in a hurry BECAUSE I WORK 40 HOURS A WEEK, and a memaw with three items in her shopping basket is shuffling slowly in front of me, blocking my way, totally oblivious, or pulling slowly out in front of me in the parking lot. The driving slowly and pulling out in front of you anyway thing really pisses me off, and I am determined that when I am eighty, I am driving like a bat-out-of-hell, just to go against the stereotype (even though it's true goddammit).

Why must the elderly RETIREES shop at night or on the weekend, when they have FIVE WHOLE days to choose from where they won't hold up PRODUCTIVE EMPLOYED people? I'm not going to have any Social Security benefits by the time I get there, that is, if I can EVER AFFORD TO RETIRE EVER AFTER THE ECONOMIC FUCKERY OF THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION (but that is another rant for another day). The least that the oldsters can do is stay the fuck out of my way so I can work and pay taxes to support their wrinkly old asses.

For this reason, and the fact that they shouldn't be driving after dark, I am proposing an Annoyance Curfew, where the elderly will only be allowed to shop or leave their homes from 6:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. (Monday-Friday). On weekends, the oldsters will be confined to their homes, where they can take a longer nap or put together a giant puzzle or something. There are probably lots of options, but I am not a damn retirement community activities director, so figure it out. I don't have time for this shit. I already have a full-time job. Did I mention that I HAVE A FULL-TIME JOB???

If you're with me on this, give me a shout. Maybe if we get enough signatures together, we could put something on the next election ballot.


Anonymous said...

I am shocked by your disrespectful attitude toward our senior citizens. Do you have parents? Grandparents? Remember: As you are so once were they, as they are so you shall be.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I knew a raft of shit was coming over this entry. Have a sense of humor.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Anonymous, are you an angry pepaw or memaw? Fess up.