Sunday, January 4, 2009

I Know What I'll Be Doing in the Afterlife Now

I just figured out why I am so tired all the time. I received an e-mail reminder that I have been virtually marching against global warming for like three years now. I had forgotten that I was even still marching. I only signed up because the Kennedys asked me to help out. If the Kennedys ask, I'm there, man. Think of all they have sacrificed for this country. It's the least I could do.

Anywho, marching for three-and-a-half years has freaking worn me out. When I received the e-mail marching reminder, I figured, I've done my time, let some other poor bastard step in and march for awhile. The disturbing thing was that there was no way to uncommit and stop marching. I repeat: There wasn't a link where I could quit the march! Boy, when you sign up for something involving the Kennedys, they really expect you to commit. They've sacrificed countless family members in service to this country, and they expect no less from others. They don't have time for pussy commiters.

The other disturbing aspect of this, is that in three-and-a-half years, my views have changed. I've decided that I'm now pro-global warming. It's admittedly selfish (the Kennedys would be MAD), but I just hate winter, and I figure, maybe if global warming continues, I'll have year-round summer and possibly even own some ocean front property at some point. Now, I have no choice, I am forced to march for all fucking eternity for a cause I don't even believe in. At this rate, if I die in a sudden accident, I'm basically going to be marching in the afterlife, too! I'm commited in this life AND IN THE AFTERLIFE to a cause I don't even believe in.

Frankly, I don't see an upside to this thing--I mean I have no way to stop the perpetual marching FORALLETERNITY, I'm getting increasingly tired, and I'm not even losing any weight. It's like three plus years of 24-hour exercise, and I've actually gained weight.

Moral: No good deed goes unpunished.

WARNING: Think long and hard about making any virtual charitable commitments. You may be commiting for ETERNITY!

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