Thursday, April 1, 2010

A Healthful Breakfast & the Contents of Robert Plant's Jeans

So far today, I've had a large frozen Coke and a white cupcake with buttercreme icing. What did you motherfuckers have for breakfast today? I'm sure whatever it was, it felt short of my healthful fare. This bitch is buzzing on a sugar high, motherfuckers!

On a happy note, while the ex-husband and I were warned NEVER to be in a relationship by Chinese astrologers--in fact--I think the exact DIRE warning was: A HORSE AND A RAT MUST NEVER MARRY!, the Viking and I are looking good. Our signs match up as potential "soulmates" (which I don't believe in--can you say, "TOTAL HOLLYWOOD BULLSHIT"?) and also for "fiery sexual chemistry." YES, JACKPOT! I'm shallow and that's all I care about--the sexual chemistry.

I think most astrology is bullshit to quote Jim Morrison. But the Chinese astrology warning about the ex and I was so uncannily accurate, that I had to look the new guy's sign up. Horses and Dragons = GOOD SEX.

I am sofa king relieved. To quote Robert Plant, "I can breathe again."

p.s. If you have never seen a young Robert Plant in low-cut jeans, you ain't lived. I watched a Zeppelin DVD recently and got to giggling so much at his pants, my face went red. Photo above is my new computer wallpaper. You're welcome, ladies.

CALL ME, BOB!

12 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

I have a theory- the skinnier the rock star, the bigger the equipment.
Good morning, dear.

Jeannie said...

Well, Bob, (you said to call you Bob),

I am so glad you have chemistry. I want chemistry again. I might be out of chemicals from lack of use. It sucks to be married when one partner has prostate issues. The Chinese calendar said we weren't supposed to be together either and I'm beginning to see why. Horoscope says it too. And lots of people. I really don't listen well.

But as long as you love me, life has meaning. Too bad I love you more.

adrienne said...

ooo la la.

i swear the reason my life sometimes goes astray is due to the fact that i was born in the wrong moment, preventing me from waking up each morning tangled in that man's tresses.

i swear.

i look at the photo you posted of my One True Love and say to myself, 'robert baby, is that a tangerine in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?'

*sigh*

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Ms. Moon,
I hold that same theory. Look at David Bowie, for instance. It's sure as fuck true of the guy I'm dating. He is a skinny minny.

Love you, you smart thing you.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Jeannie,
I love you lots, therefore, I hope your life has LOTS of meaning.

Mwa,

Bob

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Adrienne,
I just adore you. You make a' me laugh.


SB

The Dish said...

Glad you and The Viking are compatible, especially sexually. That is very important.

Thanks for the photo! That shit made my day.

Jennifer Rains said...

Plant does not make me cringe. (See Bowie comment). The theory of the skinny ones may be right. What about Jagger?

Having a great time here today, SB. A laugh I truly need. Thanks.

Love you,
Jenn

Syd said...

I like the Morrison quote but damned--I am a metal Tiger and it fits.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Syd,
I'll have to see what they say about Tigers.

Petit fleur said...

I think astrology is only as good as the astrologer giving the reading. There are a lot of quackos out there, but I do think there's something to it.

Happy that you and the viking are enjoying spring to the fullest! yippie for youz!

Mel's Way or No Way said...

Chemistry...oh chemistry! It is a great thing and a necessary thing too. I'm a dragon (and gemini) and A's a tiger (and cancer). We make a great match.

I completely agree with your theory about skinny men. I think it has too many places to hide on the fat guys.