My Skinny Ass Used to Clean House for My Uncle Ed to Earn Pocket Money in Middle School

That fucker ate fried fucking eggs EVERY DAMN MORNING for breakfast and sometimes for lunch, and his rum-running old ass would put the dishes in the sink and only rinse the front of the damn plates in a half-assed kind of effort, so when the old fuck stacked the plates, the cocksucking egg smears would dry and the motherfucking plates would stick together. It took a bitch FOR-FUCKING-EVER to get all that motherfucking shit off the damn plates. And Uncle Ed was a rich old bastard, but he only paid my poor skinny ass about five bucks an hour. Cheap old motherfucking prick.

I would stand in the kitchen doorway in semi-bemused silence as Ed's dachshund, Fritzie, would piss on the inside of his doorway and all over his wall. I would have told Ed, but I was PISSED ABOUT THE EGGS.