Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Ginger, the Diarrhetic Asshole Licker

Sarcastic Bastard is kind of tired today and extra fucking grouchy. I'm usually a grouchy fuck, so nobody at work will probably even notice. My dog, Ginger, had me up at least five times during the night last night because she has the perpetual diarrhea.

The Sarcastics have spent nearly $2,000.00 on Ginger's diarrhetic ass to no avail. She is an anorectic bitch (literally) at this point, because the kibble and organic chicken food goes straight through her. Ginger is almost ten years old, so at this point we are against invasive surgery, and we are looking at her remaining quality of life. Besides, the vet told us that invasive surgery might not tell them what the hell is wrong with her anyway.

So last night, I am up like five times with her, as I said, and you just can't get quality sleep when you are up and down like that. Then, the few times I managed to fall back to sleep, just when I was sleeping pretty soundly, Ginger began licking her outraged asshole, I guess in some vain sort of attempt to soothe it, because it probably burns like a motherfucker from all the diarrhea. May I just share with you, dear reader, that this was not soft, quiet licking? It was like she was atempting to suck a cherry slurpee out of her own ass. If you think of a small child (or me) trying to get that last drop of sugary-goodness from the bottom of a paper cup of soda with a straw--yep, that would pretty much faithfully replicate the sound that Ginger made. Imagine being awakened by that not once, but at least four times.

Anyhoo, as a result of this shit, I am a sleep-deprived she-bitch today.

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