Friday, March 19, 2010

Ms. Moon Will Get This

It is SOFA KING [hat tip to L., my lovely dinner partner last night] beautiful here in Ohio, that a bitch could launch her antidepressants without fucking regret! Driving home for lunch, SB noticed that Ohioans are smiling (after the long winter) in their cars and shit. It was sort of scary, but great.

[I hope this makes sense, because SB had a sizeable Blood Mary or TWO at luncheon. SUMMER IS BLOODY MARY TIME, MOTHERFUCKERS! And if I teach you nothing else, let it be this. Christina and Ruth over in England know this shit, and so does The Dish here in the fucking Mid-west. Get on board, motherfuckers. And also it takes MANY LEMONS and a splash of A-1 to make a REALLY GOOD Bloody Mary. The bartender at our local sports bar and I have worked this shit all out to save you motherfuckers the trouble. You're welcome.]

My ass stopped at Big Lots on the way back from lunch and picked up three NEW tiki torches (Because you can't have a party without tiki torches, motherfuckers! Elvis knew that shit and so should we all. Let us learn from ELVIS.) and a solar outdoor night light. TODAY, I EMBRACE HUMANITY!!! (But only for one day. Don't push it!) I love my fellow human beings and am in splendorous ONENESS with nature and GOD and The Universe!

AND ALSO I AM DRUNK. It fucking happens, peeps, and you know it.

PORCH PARTY TONIGHT AT SB'S PLACE!!!! Y'all are welcome.


downtown guy said...

I'm down. I shouldn't be long, I just have to stop for beer.

Sarcastic Bastard said...


I'd buy you all the damn Pabst you could EVER drink, so don't stop.

Ms. Moon said...

Hank- stop by and pick me up, dammit! I'll be holding the vodka and tomato juice. And lemons. And HORSERADISH! And Tabasco! Basically, I like to drink cocktail sauce with vodka in it and call it a bloody mary. Is that okay? I'll make you one, dear Ms. Bastard. You will love it.
But don't you get godawful sleepy when you drink during the day? I do. Which is why I only do it on Dog Island where there is nothing to do but nap anyway after you've taken that walk.
I think you need to come to Dog Island with us, Ms. Bastard. You will have no worries and you will have the most fun and we will too, basking in your presence, being joyful all together.
I'm rambling. And yet- I am not drinking. What's wrong with me? I think I'm spring drunk.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I love cocktail juice with vodka! Count me in.

Yes, i do get sleepy, but also it makes the rest of the work day go MUCH FASTER.

I am quite sure (from your description) that I would adore Dog Island and NEVER EVER want to return to "civilization."

I'm spring drunk, too, in a BIG way.

DAMN GEOGRAPHY! I wish you and Hank could come hang out with me and the tiki torches on the porch tonight. I will toast to you both.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I meant cocktail sauce. I told you I was drunk.

Ms. Moon said...

Yes, but cocktail JUICE would make a better drink.
And I'm pretty sure that if we ever get your ass to Dog Island, you will not leave. Ever.
There is even a phrase for what happens to you when you get to Dog Island- you get Dog Island ass. Which means your ass gets really heavy and you can't manage to do anything but drink, eat, and sleep. And sometimes take a walk or a swim. Otherwise- forget it.
Oh yeah. There isn't anything else to do either so it all works out.
Besides fool around. You can get a lot of fooling around done on the island.
God. It must be spring.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Sounds like my idea of a PERFECT vacation! I'll bring the Viking and his package along for the fooling around part.

The Dish said...

Lemon juice and worchester. Wonder how long it would take me to get there?

Sarcastic Bastard said...


Jeannie said...

I think the party would be over by the time I got my ass there but thanks. Besides I'd probably get arrested cuz I've been sipping tequila for a couple hours.

It's a gorgeous day out there but I've been through hell today. I might go out and pick up dogshit just for fun.

I love you so much I'd like to start stalking you. OK?

Petit fleur said...

So, when are you coming down?? I believe you said May??

BMs, are among my favorite drinks! Maybe we could introduce you to mint juleps as well. They sound nasty, but they taste yummy!