Monday, March 8, 2010

Gay Humping Cats and Other Stuff

My ass was up til 1:30 last night, and SB's ass is a draggin' this morning, peeps. Whatever. Mondays suck dick either way.

Nothing much to report. I have scratches ALL OVER MY BODY (not because of good sex, goddammit), but because fucking Puppini did NOT want her damn Howard Hughes-like claws trimmed. I had to wrap Puppine's little ass up in a towel and swaddle the little motherfucker to get all the claws done. Her ass was NONE TOO HAPPY. She growled and spit and hissed the whole time. It was so cute! SB loves a tiny little enraged bitch.

When I left for work this morning, Marley was meowing like a damn banshee and trying to hump poor Tom. Tom's ass was just laying there, pressed down by Marley's weight. Marley was biting the back of Tom's neck. Fucker didn't seem to mind it. I told Marley, "Uhhhmmm excuse me, but Tom is a damn boy. This operation may not be entirely fruitful." Marley is not long enough in body to make it to Tom's sweet spot, so to speak. It is quite something to have to see that fucking shit when you haven't even had ONE DAMN CUP OF JOE YET.

The day can only go up from here, motherfuckers!

5 comments:

The Dish said...

My day started by stepping in cat puke. I shouldn't even be at work. I get to go to the damn dentist, and Mr. Burns is ring shopping again. Please kill me.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Dish,
So sorry. That bitch needs to work. All she does is talk on her phone and shop and shit. Her ass is useless.

Love you.

Ms. Moon said...

Zeke frequently humps Dolly in the side, having no idea what he's doing or why he's doing it and Dolly just lays there, examining her cuticles or something, completely ignoring him. It's so cute.

Kathleen Scott said...

I'm giggling. Sorry your day started hard (feel free to groan).

We haven't had the courage to clip Harry's nails, which are so long they can snap a tile floor. He's our golden-ager but he still has what Denny calls "good cat skills" and I'm a sissy about blood, especially my own. What's your technique for doing it without hurting the cat? And the only way to come out unscathed is to swaddle the cat? Harry's majesty won't go for that either I bet.

Hope your day improved and tomorrow is better.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Kathleen,
The swaddling works. Sort of. I'm not missing any damn fingers. Proof is in the pudding, right?

Love you tons. Harry sounds great.

SB