Friday, March 5, 2010

Fuck You Cover Girl

SB bought some cheap-assed foundation from Cover Girl the other day, and this morning, I decided to open it up and put that shit on to glam myself up a little. What the fuck, it's Friday. BUT, I couldn't get their fancy girly-appeal goddamn container open. Fuckers. Being not at my best in the mornings, I just couldn't figure out how the fucking thing opened. I managed to get the applicator sponge out, but couldn't get to the creamy cocksucking makeup inside. Being the patient cheery morning motherfucker that I am, I promptly threw the goddamn thing in the porcelain sink and shattered the container all to bits. Sorry neighbors! My bathroom wall is also their bathroom wall.

The fucking thing STILL DIDN'T OPEN (I momentarily considered a hammer--I am not exaggerating either--I'm damn serious), so SB heaved that cocksucker right in the damn trash can. FUCK YOU COVER GIRL! I will never buy any of your cheap-assed products EVER again. [And I was laughing at Sebastian Bach on Celebrity Fat Chub last night because motherfucker got mad about losing a challenge (He couldn't figure out how to put a goddamn tent together, peeps! Shit was STRESSFUL.) and shoved a camera man. I laughed, but I would have done the SAME GODDAMN THING. If I am pissed off and your dumb primate ass shoves a goddamn camera in my face, you had better be fleet of foot!]


Ms. Moon said...

I love you, Ms. Bastard. You do not need foundation to be gorgeous and radiant. Trust me.
And I think there is a world-wide plot to make us all feel like idiot dumbshits because we can't get containers and packages open when in fact, it is the designers who are idiots and dumbshits.
Well. I say that as someone who wishes that Jessie would move home so that she can do things like that for me because I cannot.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Ms. Moon,
There MUST BE a world-wide plot. I like your theory AND I LOVE YOU.

Jeannie said...

I have a couple makeup containers that I fight with every damn time. However, I do not throw things. I do say FUCK! a lot. You know what I hate the most? The fucking arthritis meds container I can't fucking open in the morning. Cuz if I don't get my meds, I just want to drink.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I hear you, babe. I'd want to drink anyway though. Every day is a BETTER DAMN DAY with the drink. Laugh.

Sheria said...

CDs drive me crazy. The covers were designed by a sadist. Why can't there just be a tab or something that you pull and the shrink wrap comes off and the case pops open! But no, it's only after I've broken a fingernail or two down to the quick and raised my blood pressure to stroke level that I finally use a knife to slit that cellophane wrap and nick a finger in the process that I finally get to listen the the CD!

Sheria said...

P.S. I figure that Donald Trump will last five minutes tops and I can do anything for five minutes for a million dollars.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Good logic on the Trumpster there, babe.

And YES, opening CDs sucks ass.

The Dish said...

That is precisely why I use the liquid foundation in the bottle. I am already pissed off enough already in the morning!

Mel's Way or No Way said...


You know what's even worse is spending all that cash on the makeup, getting it home and it's the wrong shade! I looked like a freak-it was way too light. Now I remember why I stopped buying Cover Girl.