Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Thoughts on Growing Older and Shit

On the way into work this morning, SB's ass got caught behind YET ANOTHER elderly motherfucker, who was driving about 7 miles UNDER the damn speed limit in town! It was a 35 mph zone, motherfuckers! Come on. A bitch hasn't got all day. Unless that bitch is elderly and retired.

I cannot wait until all the baby boomers join in the pensioner's fray, on top of the current elders out there. I do NOT mean to pick on the baby boomers, per se, because there are a good handful I love intensely. It's just that my patience is growing short. And between elderly motherfuckers holding me up in traffic or at the damn grocery, I have been having to spend a lot of extra time around the old fuckers of late due to the cataract surgery, and that shit is wearing THIN.

I guess I have never really spent a lot of time (UNTIL NOW) contemplating or FEARING old age. After all, what's the damn point? Nothing you can do about that shit. But I have to say it's really starting to frighten me. I think what really triggered this, is the old lady in the eye surgeon's office, who they wheeled in from a local home for the aged. That bitch could not SEE or HEAR, and I just don't know what the point would be. The poor office receptionist had to literally yell at the old bat to ask her stuff, and the old whore STILL COULD NOT hear! I was sitting near the old bag, and I was embarrassed. I wanted to flee the damn office, quite frankly. You sit there and start thinking: What if I am as bad off as that old bitch? And again: What in fuckssake would the damn point be?

My cousin Chris and I were discussing that shit, and he and I both decided we would blow our brains out if we were THAT fucking incapacitated. Chris even went so far as to ask SB to blow his brains out FOR HIM if he got old and couldn't do it hisdamnself. Of course, I told Chris that I love him AND THERE WAS NO WAY IN SAM FUCK I could do that. But, there you have it. I'm with Chris, basically. I vote for fire arms. Fortunately our family is all NRA and shit, and we will likely inherit plenty of fire arms to do the job.

I DON'T WANT TO GET OLD. A young man in line at the post office once said that fearfully to the Moms, who was standing behind him, watching some old bitch take three hours to pay for a few damn stamps. I understand and had the exact same damn thought in the eye surgeon's office.

If you, my blogging family, have anything comforting or wise to say about ageing, that shit is welcomed in the comments. SB is struggling!

[WARNING: And don't any of you bleeding-hearted babboons leave bullshit like "Shame on you" in the comments, because I don't want to hear it. There is no shame in being honest about how you feel, so fuck you in advance if you're thinking of posting that warm-hearted sympathetic shit.

And if you're a lurker, and I know there are plenty of you fuckers out there, grow some balls and speak up for once, but ONLY if you can be of help!]


Anonymous said...

Here's some damn advice from a lurker: Get the hell used to it, you fine piece of ass. You are going to die soon enough, but think of all the fun and cocktails you can have in the meantime. I myself am looking forward to having a cane so that I can rap skulls as necessary. Fuck you, cancer, and fuck you, death, grab a bit more life force and suck from the Great Mother's breast.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about! THAT is some useful damn advice. SB digs you, whoever the fuck you are. Come back and join us. Don't be shy.

Ms. Moon said...

Ha! I know who that lurker is! He's my old friend K who is as wise and crazy as anyone you'll ever meet and a wonderful example of how to grow old disgracefully! Believe you me, my darling SB, he is indeed sucking the milk from the Great Mother's breasts.
Both of them. With gusto.
Which is why I have loved him so for over thirty-five years.
And I could not possibly add any wisdom to what he just said.
Love, love, love.

Chic Mama said...

Yep....frustrating are those slow drivers! ;0)

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Ms. Moon,
I DIG your friend. Fucker is COOL.

Ms. Moon said...

You have no idea.

The Dish said...

I am a firm believer in euthenasia. If I cannot even wipe my own ass it is time to call it a damn day. Good thing I already own firearms.

Sarcastic Bastard said...


Syd said...

It is likely based on family history that I will make it to my 90's. That's just probability. I don't care whether I will be able to wipe my ass, or be spoon fed. I still believe that every cell in me will want to live. At least that's how I'm planning it. Maybe we will end up in the same old folks home SB and drive everyone crazy. Who knows? ODAT for me.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I should be SO FUCKING LUCKY as to be in a home with the likes of you.

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

I think it is a mixed bag. I am not afraid of aging gracefully, but not being healthy and being a burden is what scares me. I am trying to take better care of myself now to make the later years smoother.

Petit fleur said...

I know someone who used to call them "geriatric fucks"... I think that's kind of funny! I'm sort of looking forward to my own geriatric fuckdom. Mainly because I never dreamed I'd ever even live to be THIS old!

Hang in there SB. It will pass like a geriatric fuck's gas. I promise!

Jeannie said...

I don't plan on growing old. I'm going to find myself in the wrong lane headed toward a Mack truck.

Akannie said...

SB-- I am shocked shitless to still be alive. I do NOT come from a line of long livers...erk.

At any rate, I never expected to live past 30...and here I am , almost twice that. But I ain't had no catamaracts have 1 tiny one. But I can still wipe my ass most days. When I want to.

Love and kisses, Lurker Bitch

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Makes sense to me, man.



Sarcastic Bastard said...

Thanks, PF!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I love you. We could hang.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Akannie Dear,
I am happy you are still around. Thanks for the comment and please join us more often. I can tell you'll fit right in.