This motherfucker has the right idea.
The parental unit left to visit my yuppie brother in Massachusetts the other day, so this means my fat ass has to water the Mom's 100,000 flowers in the 110-degree fucking heat while they're gone. Ms. Moon had the excellent idea to raid their damn fridge for a few ice-cold beers while I am watering. Ms. Moon is fucking ingenious.
On another front, the Viking, Lord of My Cold Stone Creamery Heart, bought me a new washer (one of those agitator-less new-fangled bitches). They are delivering the motherfucker on Saturday, so Friday night, I am going to have to move the cock-sucking oven out, because the goddamn cheap-assed landlords bought the cheapest fucking stove their miserly asses could find, and the damn oven door is not removable. Naturally, removing the cock-sucking stove handle, which sticks out about an inch, is the only way to get the new washer into the hook-up area near the fridge. The delivery man will curse me (silently or not), due to the VERY TIGHT space the washer must be wedged through in order to be hooked the fuck up.
Also, I have the cats on new BETTER food, due to Tom's recent bladder problems, and fucking Marley has the damn diarrhea from the new muy expensivo cat food. His hairy backside is a dried fucking shitty mess of poop. So, tonight I will be giving my first cat bath. Marley is still semi-feral, so this shit should be fun!
If you hear a very loud scream emanate from the direction of Buttfuck this evening, you'll know who it is. I am hoping to keep my arms at least. The fingers are negotiable. Ask Marley.