Wednesday, July 15, 2009

That Illiterate Ho Janet Fucking Evanovich--the WORST Writer EVER

I know y'all are just waiting for SB to shove her opinion down your throat this morning. How can you possibly enjoy your coffee without that shit? So, below is a comment I just left on my sister-in-law's lovely blog. [I am not posting a link to her blog because I like all of you to envision my ass as this cranky curmudgeon/recluse who has little family, except for a too devoted Moms and daddums.]

Man, SB HATES Janet Evanovich. A bunch of the ladies here at work really dig her, so I was subjected to one of her damn books on CD on the ride back from the company retreat last year. I wanted to KILL myself. Of course the other ladies just laughed and laughed and thought the book on CD was SO fucking funny. I was stone silent for the entire ride, but I did keep rolling my eyes while those broads were shreiking with laughter. Jesus. I just don't get it. That ho Evanovich is anything but literary or funny for that matter. Bitch is practically illiterate. The fact that her books sell like they do tells me a whole lot about the average American woman. A whole lot.

I am not opening this blog up to become a forum for irate Janet Evanobitch fans, so all you motherfucking brain-shy fans with bad literary taste can just piss off and start your own blog. I shudder to think that a shitload of them probably already exist. GAG.

18 comments:

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

SB,

I'm back!!!! lol

You're abslutely right. Sometimes I stand in bookshops asolutely shocked as I watch someone flicking and laughing through the shit-fiction. Whats even worse is they hold the book open so everyone can see the cover as if they are reading and understanding something very highbrow. Yep, It really is a sad reflection.

I've never read a word of Evanovich's... so it sounds as if I've had a lucky escape.

Hope you're well SB & sorry for the absence. All my love, Shane. x

Sarcastic Bastard said...

My Dear Shane,
Hearing from you has made my whole fucking day, and I am not even kidding or being a sarcastic bastard.

SB LOVES YOU!

Glad you are well.

Ms. Moon said...

I have never read anything of hers either. Nor do I intend to. God. I bet she's rich.

Marco Dante said...

SB,
Are you kidding me? "Finger Lickin' Fifteen" is the best book ever.
I think your next survey should be about who is the worst polluter on the literary landscape. The trouble will be limiting it to five. Marco

Alec Beattie said...

Er...don't know much about Janet - she's not known over here - so I checked out her website.
You can bloody well keep her.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Ms. Moon,
Yes, she is rich for bastardizing the English language and for raping the good name of literature.

Much love to you,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Marco,
The trouble would definitely be limiting it to five.

Have a good relaxing time at the cabin.

Love,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Alec,
No really, I think you Scots should take her. You have the worst poet in the English language to your credit. Why not the worst hack writer, too?

Come on, Alec.

Love ya,

SB

Lou said...

HATE HER!

Lady Lemon said...

Never read anything by her. Is she like a romance novel writer or something? If so, ew.

I hate that wanna-be-Stephen-King-hack, Dean Koontz. Ugh.

Findon said...

Does your bedroom walls have lots of holes in them, you know from all the punching or maybe throwing the odd sad ass ( I think thats what you call them) around the room as a form of foreplay. You are sooo sweet.

-RageBoXx said...

Who the fuck is Janet Evanovich? I've never heard of her - but her last name makes her sound like a really hot supermodel. o.O

Weird.

Brother Frankie said...

she's not much to look at either.. just sayin'...

Brother Frankie

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Findon,
SB loves your sweet soul.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Brother Frankie,
That's also a good and relevant point, my dear.

Love,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Lady Lemon,
Evanobitch is a women's writer. Peabrained women's writer. There is some romance involved, but it's not even HOT saucy romance, it's luke warm.

Her books are the BIG SUCK.

gingermagnolia said...

Hey there, I'm visiting from Ms. Moon's page, and just want to thank you for making me laugh.

I've never read any of her books, and I can't imagine that I ever will. Apparently, I'm not missing anything.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Gingermagnolia,
I know who you are, my dear. I've read your comments on Ms. Moon's blog.

Welcome. I am happy to hear from you. Please join us often.

Love, SB.