Thursday, July 9, 2009

Was this Bitch Crazy???

Ms. Moon is going to get peeved at my ass for besmirching the holy sanctitude of motherhood, but I have one question upon looking at this photo--was this bitch crazy to have this many fucking squids (especially at a time when death from child birth was so common)? Jesus H. The father's probably got a hard-on just from standing so damn close to his wife in the photo. Watch out ho, or baby six will be in next year's family photo! Bitch is clearly near-sighted just from all that fucking and birthing.

And if I were this ho, I would have just given up on remembering these little fuckers' names. I'd probably resort to putting "Hello, my name is . . ." tags on all their precious asses. Do you suppose they had those name tags in the Victorian era (or whatever the fuck the era in the damn photograph is--my ass is just hazarding a guess here, people. SB is not an historian. I don't have time to research photos, goddammit. The people in the photo look repressed as fuck, so I assume it was the Victorian era. If your asses think I'm wrong, then please feel free to correct me. If you want to be a damn fact checker, go read somebody else's blog. SB doesn't give a midget's wang.).

21 comments:

Lou said...

I don't think birth control was readily available.

My husband is one of 8 boys--yes, count 'em 8 boys. Ridiculous!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Lou,
This is true, but I think I'd restrict my husband to hand jobs and blow jobs after squeezing out five, if you will pardon my frankness. That bitch DID her duty AND THEN SOME, if you get me.

Love,

SB

downtown guy said...

5 wasn't all that large a family in the days before birth control. Heck, I'm one of 4, don't forget, and it could easily have been 5 if not for a miscarriage.

Ms. Moon said...

Well, it was the way then. And just imagine- not one ultrasound was done on that woman's belly. Ever. And yet she managed to have some pretty cute kidlings.
And Ms. Bastard- I could never be mad at you.

All This Trouble... said...

Did you know they are trying to ban the use of the word "midget" on TV?

And maybe the only place these people weren't repressed was in the bedroom?

Straws. They are there for us to grasp at.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Downtown Guy,
I am honored by your visit. Any of Ms. Moon's kin is my kin, too.

Love your blog, by the way.

Best,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

All This Trouble,
I INSIST upon using the word midget. I don't give a good goddamn whether it's politically correct or not. How about you?

XO, SB.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Ms. Moon,
Thank Christ you're not angry with me. I just couldn't deal, and I am serious when I say that. You're one of my favorite people.

Love you tons,

SB

Lady Lemon said...

Five? You are shocked by five!? That's not shit, man. Haven't you seen that terrifying show about the vagina that birthed 18???!!!

Ugh, my labia are sore just thinking about it.

I am more amazed with the fact that the are so perfectly "stair-steppy". They make a perfect diagonal line.

Power to the pussy?

Lady Lemon said...

PS I love you for saying "midget wang".

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Lady Lemon,
I love you back, of course. Midget wang just came to me. It was a gift from the Gods. I am merely a receiver for blasphemy, not the creator, but thanks just the same.

Sasha (Malchik Gai) said...

Yeah, I wonder just how the fuck my Great Grandmother did it. They had fifteen of the little buggers and barely had a pot to piss in. And all before they reached the age of 30. I just wonder if that's why it seems like everyone in my entire family is way oversexed. I don't know.
Hugz
S

May said...

This post made me laugh out loud for the first time today. The midget's wang thing KILLS me!

Steph said...

"midget wang" is pure genius.

Syd said...

SB, I think that they had to do something during those cold winters. I don't think 5 was considered a lot for those times and those 5 at least lived. There are some interesting books about life on the southern plantations--a lot of natal mortality, a lot of maternal mortality, and a lot of playing around by the plantation owner, if you get my point. The midget wang was evidently always alert. And that was before the time of Cialis and the four hour boner.

Findon said...

A girl near us had 10 kids. She could never have remembered all their names so she called them all Wayne, which made it simpler. If she wanted to speak to a particular one she just called them by their fathers surname!!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Malchik,
Hugs back. It is always great to hear from you.

Much love,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

May,
My dear, I am happy to make you laugh. Thanks a lot for reading and leaving a comment.

Love,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Steph,
Thanks. I only channel the shit. Midget wang was a gift from the gods, girl.

Love ya lots,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Syd,
Your comment made me laugh out loud.

Love you,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Findon,
That is a funny story. Wayne, huh?

We have George Foreman over here. His ass named every son after himself, so they are all called George Jr.

My love to you,

SB