Monday, September 14, 2009

Do You Remember this Shit?

Do you remember when your mom used to do shit like this and ruin your costume? Bitch done jacked Smokey's pants up and belted them, making Smokey look like a damn pepaw. Moms ruin all the fun, and you know it. They get off on that shit.

SB BITTERLY remembers the year she dressed as an elegant Sleeping Beauty (the OFFICIAL DISNEY COSTUME, peeps!), and it was slightly cold, so the Moms gave me the choice to wear a coat UNDER the fucking princess costume and look like a damn fat-ass or OVER the costume of splendor and look like a dork. The Moms didn't want me to catch cold and miss school, because then she couldn't watch her soaps or eat her damn bon-bons in peace.

All you stay-at-home moms know that if the kiddies are home sick, then you can't eat the entire package of bon-bons or guzzle your morning bourbon. Just admit that shit right now! You bitches know who you are, AND SO DO WE, because you smell like a damn distillery at the PTA meetings.

[Tip for stay-at-home moms: switch to vodka, bitches.]

11 comments:

Steph said...

Oh for shit's sake, all you needed was a flesh colored body suit under your costume. And I kinda like the pepaw Smokey.

Syd said...

Is that like the song about Mrs. Johnson socking it to the PTA?

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Steph,
A flesh-coloured body stocking wasn't WARM enough for my Mom. She'd never go for it. In fall, we were dressed for sub-Artic temperatures.

gingermagnolia said...

When it's cold here, my boys wear long johns under their costumes. They always have good costumes because MY mama wouldn't buy us anything for ours. We had to come up with something on our own, so lots of times we said were babies and wore our pajamas to school, or teased our hair and put socks in it and told people we were punk rockers.

Ms. Moon said...

Just seeing that picture brought back Smokey the Bear's song which I still know all the way through.

"Smokey the bear
Smokey the bear
Ramblin' and a gamblin'
And a sniffin' the air.
He can smell a fire
Before it starts to flame.
That's why they call him Smokey
That is how he got his name."

Oh yeah. I remember one year Jessie was Princess Jasmine and it was COLD on Halloween. We compromised. She wore a quilt around her shoulders (a coat was too dorky) until it was time for her to run up to a house. I would stand back, hold the quilt, and let her go collect the candy. And then I would wrap her back up in the quilt. I remember that.

I hate bourbon.
And I sort of liked it when my kids were sick if they weren't really sick because they could stay home and be cozy and watch Dumbo on the VCR.
Thanks for the memories, Ms. Bastard.
Love....Ms. Moon

Findon said...

Well thats just how I dress. I can't see what the problem is.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Gingermagnolia,
Creativity is a good thang.

Love you,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Ms. Moon,
If I didn't have the Moms, I would want to be your offspring.

Love,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Findon,
You are pulling SB's leg. Your ass doesn't dress like that. You are far too cool. I can just tell that shit.

Love you veddy much,

SB

Ms. Moon said...

I think I probably love your Moms.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Ms. Moon,

I love the Moms, too. She is a great mom like you.

By the way, she loved your blog entry on Obama's speech. I printed it out for her. She and I agree with you totally. We think he's great.

Love, SB.