Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The Cocksucking Snow

Can I share with you motherfuckers how motherfucking sick I am of the goddamn snow? Can I also share with you the indignity of having to park across the cocksucking snow-filled street in the old gas station lot, due to a cocksucking village ordinance that declared a snow emergency yesterday and stated that under penalty of towage, a motherfucking tax payer can't park in the cocksucking street? SB has no driveway. Fuck that shit. I couldn't even warm the car up this morning. I had to scrape the motherfucker, and then sit in the COLD car, waiting for it to warm up.

I bought two new lamps last night and only assembled one, so far the moggies have not destroyed it. There is still a chance I might find the fucker lying in broken pieces on the lunch hour though. The more expensive lamp is still in the chicken-fucking box for now.

My first cup of coffee was lousy this morning. Do you feel my pain? Do you understand that a lousy first cup of Joe ruins the whole damn day? Also, Mercer, the Queen of this Damn Blog, gacked outside my bedroom door in the middle of the night last night, so the sleepage left something to be desired. But, of course, my suffering pales in comparison to the Rebel lack of toilet paper during the Civil War. My suffering is nothing compared to that of those poor boys, who only had shitty bitter chickory coffee to drink, thanks to the fucking Yankees. I will remember my bloodline and keep a stiff upper lip about the lousy first cup of coffee and having to park across the cocksucking street. Like my people, I am a survivor. The Yankee North winter and bad Starbuck's shall not defeat me!

8 comments:

Petit fleur said...

cocksucking snow!

Ms. Moon said...

Every time you bring up that damn lack of toilet paper, I laugh. This is a BIG issue for you, isn't it my dear Rebel sister?
So guess what? They are saying we might get some snow on Friday here. Now of course, if we do, it will be eeny-beeny snow and not impressive but if it does actually snow, WE WILL REMEMBER IT FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES! Yes. We are so easily amused here in the down south.
And thanks for reminding me- I need to buy toilet paper.
Good morning, Ms. SB! I love you!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Ms. Moon,
It IS a REALLY BIG issue. Fucking Yankee motherfuckers. They didn't even have the decency not to take the buttwipe. Blue coat-wearing assholes.

I STILL LOVE YOU MORE!

The Dish said...

I think we may be long lost sisters. Fat Bastard Cat horked on my pajamas that were on the footboard that I planned on putting back on. Bastard.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Dish,
My total sympathies. I didn't even know you have a cat. All I knew about is Cute Dog.

Are we a little partial? We don't talk about Fat Bastard cat much in our blog.

The Dish said...

I have 2 cats, thank you very much. And, yes, I may be partial to the dog. She doesn't puke all over my stuff. Or bite my hands when I try to pet her.

But, on a lighter note, I don't have to walk the cats. Maybe I should train Cute Dof to use the litter box?

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Cute Dog could learn that shit.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I always would prefer to love those who don't want to be loved and show disdain and that shit equals cats.