The Famewhore Squirrel Welcomes Motherfuckers to Sarcastic Bastard. It's not easy being THE SPOKESWHORE OF AMERICA, but sometimes a bitch has got to sacrifice!
SARCASTIC BASTARD BLOG
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Shit SB Says
I took Dr. Oz's Real Age quiz and my real age is 89. Do you think I should stop buying the gallon jugs of Gallo and maybe cut out the smokes?
What the fuck does Oz know about really living? Ditch the smokes if you want to live longer or want to run a marathon or something. The Gallo is probably keeping your tubes cleaned out. Best not stop that esp if you're still smoking. Just drink lots of water to counteract the dehydration. Take some vitamins and lots of antioxidants. Eat well.
My Mom smoked until jeez - 20 years ago? (she's 88 now) and just has a touch of emphysema - asthma too but she had that when she was a kid.
When Oz helps you get all your other shit together, he can tackle the smoking and drinking.
What the hell? I hate those diet quizzes that propose intense guilt! Dr. Oz, Ophrah's lastest...?
Anyway, I hope you don't change your lifestyle before you enjoy the new year...wine and smokes and all...may it be a happy healthy one at that with kisses to all the moggies!!
That what's your real age quiz really pissed me off. Apparently I'm 61. Well la-di-da, I feel like 71 and I'm not yet 51, so I guess it's a stupid quiz. It's not like you can health your way out of menopausal insomnia and get a few years back, right? You know what book I enjoyed reading? Eat, Drink and Be Merry. Written by a doctor who thinks all things in moderation are OK. Well, maybe I over drink and over carb a little, but who's counting? So fuck that quiz, and enjoy your wine! Happy New Year!
I am a Gen-X, lazy, manic-depressive bastard, with an eating disorder, OCD, and a propensity for alcoholism. I am basically hell to live with, but I enjoy red wine, Ritalin, reality TV, and disdainful cats. This description could also be useful as a personal ad for a dating service.
9 comments:
Do what I do. Make sure the smokes are American Spirit (organic) and the wine as well. Shaves off 20 years right there
Those things change pretty fast. You'll probably be 14 next year.
What the fuck does Oz know about really living? Ditch the smokes if you want to live longer or want to run a marathon or something. The Gallo is probably keeping your tubes cleaned out. Best not stop that esp if you're still smoking. Just drink lots of water to counteract the dehydration. Take some vitamins and lots of antioxidants. Eat well.
My Mom smoked until jeez - 20 years ago? (she's 88 now) and just has a touch of emphysema - asthma too but she had that when she was a kid.
When Oz helps you get all your other shit together, he can tackle the smoking and drinking.
Michelle,
Sounds good to me, woman.
Love, SB.
Jeannie,
I love you. You crack me up.
SB
Hell, you're gonna live to be 289 so who the hell cares?
Love you, dear.
What the hell? I hate those diet quizzes that propose intense guilt! Dr. Oz, Ophrah's lastest...?
Anyway, I hope you don't change your lifestyle before you enjoy the new year...wine and smokes and all...may it be a happy healthy one at that with kisses to all the moggies!!
Love you,
Jenn
No quit going to church and stop paying taxes. That is the two real secrets to youth.
That what's your real age quiz really pissed me off. Apparently I'm 61. Well la-di-da, I feel like 71 and I'm not yet 51, so I guess it's a stupid quiz. It's not like you can health your way out of menopausal insomnia and get a few years back, right?
You know what book I enjoyed reading? Eat, Drink and Be Merry. Written by a doctor who thinks all things in moderation are OK. Well, maybe I over drink and over carb a little, but who's counting?
So fuck that quiz, and enjoy your wine! Happy New Year!
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