Thursday, June 10, 2010

Doc Young Smoked Camels


Doctor recommended!

The doctor who delivered SB's ass was named Dr. Young, and he was a chain smoker. Fucker would examine patients (even kids!) with a cig, complete with dangling ash, hanging from his lips. Whatever. I turned out fine!

You'd pass old Doc Young's house, and the motherfucker would be out, mowing his lawn near dusk, with a cigarette in his mouth. Doc was also fond of riding his bike the 15 miles in to the hospital to deliver babies, my ass included. I turned out fine!

Fucker prescribed some sort of nerve pill to the Moms (it wasn't my fault--it was my brother Steve's) once and asked her how they were working for her. Doc told the Moms that they made him kind of jittery when he took them. Doc sampled shit before he prescribed it. Fucker wasn't going to prescribe shit he hadn't tested for safety himself. Now, that's a doctor who sacrifices for his patients! [The Moms turned out fine!]

One day, Daddums walked into Doc's office, and Doc was down on his hands and knees, peering into a floor vent. Daddums got down and joined Doc, asking "What are we looking for?"

"I dropped my damn cigarette down the vent," Doc replied. The office didn't burn down. Everything turned out fine!

God bless you, Doc Young, wherever you are.

15 comments:

Wildernesschic said...

I wonder what health and safety would make of that poster.. We were talking today about how when we were younger we were not aware of what can kill us etc, when we were younger .. now they are so aware of everything I think young people maybe in danger of being scared to live !!

Jennifer Rains said...

Great story!! Makes you wonder...Doc Young may be one of those guys who can smoke a pack a day and live to be 90! (I had a neighbor who did just that.)

Love you and hope all is going well this week.

Love,
Jenn

Ms. Moon said...

This cracked me up!

Jeannie said...

Doctors were human back in the old days. It's funny how smoking everywhere was just accepted. To be honest, I hated my parents smoking in the car. I think I'm allergic - but I also suffered motion sickness and the cigarettes didn't help at all. But yeah - we smoked in hospitals, restaurants, the bank, the grocery store - everywhere.

aveline said...

i think you are the bollox

Syd said...

Amazing!

mrs. miss alaineus said...

smoke em if you got em


xxalainaxx

michelle said...

Cheers to great doctors!

Mel's Way or No Way said...

Doc Young makes me smile.

The locals in the town I work in talk about the old town dentist who chewed tobacco while he fixed their teeth. He would be drilling away then stop, lean over and spit in the little sink. Times have certainly changed!

Lori said...

God Bless Dr. Young~Where have all the old school doctors gone? Some look so young it scares me...Glad you are feeling better...xxooo

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Ruth,
I think you may be right, love.

Jenn,
Doc Young lived to be old and died of a brain tumor. Kurt Vonnegut (my hero) was one of those guys.

Ms. Moon,
I figured you might like it. Love you.

Jeannie,
My grandparents smoked like fiends in the car when I was little. I, too, got car sick. My sympathies!

Aveline Dear,
The bollox is good, right? Just checking.

Syd & Miss A.,
Right on.

Michelle,
A-fucking-men.

Melly Mel,
Guy sounds righteous to me.

Lori,
Me too. And the cops--I call them the puberty police. Laugh.

Love to all y'all.

Gledwood said...

O those were the days.
I took up smoking just on the cusp of the ridiculous modern prohibition and the GOLDEN YEARS, when you could wander round a department store with a fag on! How amazing was that?! And smoking on the London Underground (until someone dropped a lit cig down a wooden escalator ~ yes we had WOODEN ESCALATORS on the tube, up until about 1993 ~ and Kings Cross station caught fire so bad the flames were billowing out on the street. It was one of the worst fires ever. Yeah, apart from that and lung cancer smoking is really good fun.
And I never got into it, except because of fucking CANNABIS!!

The Dish said...

Can you imagine the reaction of the square bastards in this day and age if they saw kids pulling the shit we pulled? Riding in the back window of cars, sledding behind a moving car with a rope, riding downhill on a bike with our feet up in the air with no helmet... They would stroke the fuck out and call DCFS. And we are all fine!!!!!

Bethany said...

that's the best!
love the way you tell a story.

oh and i love you too.
:-)

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Bethany,
Thank you.

I love you, more!