Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Shit SB Says While Stranded at Sears, a Store My Entire Family DESPISES Heartily

[Said while waiting with the Viking for a damn optical appointment (for him--NOT me) in the vast optical department with 1-1/2 total employees. The guy at the glasses fitting booth, ironically, had trouble seeing, so it took him about an hour to enter the damn information for the sale in the computer. For this reason, said guy only counts as half an employee.]

SB to the Viking: I'm getting bored. I'm going to go check out the slutty lingerie.

[After returning about two minutes later.]

Their slutty lingerie sucks. That shit looks like something you'd see in the window at the 25 cent peep show downtown. My conclusion? Sears is for old ladies and dime store hookers.

Note to the motherfuckers who read my shit: My Uncle Gene hates the Sears (this is a whole other story for another day) to the extent that we used to buy him X-mas presents and put them in a Sears gift box, just to get him all worked up. I don't shop at Sears, because Gene HATES the Sears. It's a family loyalty thing. Lose one of us motherfuckers, lose us ALL! The really fun part is that the Viking worked for Sears for years. I can't wait to tell Gene this fact.


Ms. Moon said...

Damn. We still go to Sears to look at stoves, etc. I don't think we've bought one there for years though.
And their tools are good. Those Craftsmen tools.
My favorite Sears story was one a guy told me a long, long time ago. He was buying a hammer at Sears and he told the salesman that he was probably going to break it, doing the job he was buying it for.
The salesman cheerfully said, "That's okay. Go ahead and break it. Then bring it back and we'll give you a new one."
I wonder if it's still like that. I doubt it.
The Viking is a funny guy.
I used to work with a woman whose husband worked at Sears. She was the kind of woman who, on about November tenth started hanging tens of thousands of Christmas lights on their trailer property in the middle of nowhere, North Florida. She loved her husband a lot, even though he was so tiny that she had to buy his suits at the little boys department. Probably at Sears.
Did you need to know all of this?
No. You did not.
Good morning, Ms. Bastard-Beloved. You are loved.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I love the part about her having to buy his suit in the little boys department at Sears. That's some John Irving shit THAR! Laugh.

GOOD MORNING back! You are loved mas.

Syd said...

I don't go to Sears either. I do remember their thick catalogs and would drool over the toys when I was a kid.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

SEARS SUCKS. So does Kmart.

Anonymous said...

Dear SB,

My name is Tammy and I work for the Sears Cares Escalations Team. I am sorry to hear that we have lost your family as customers. If there are unresolved issues we need to address, we would appreciate the opportunity to have one of our case managers work with you and/or any member of your family to address any concerns. We would also welcome any feedback you may have on improvements we can make. If you are willing to give us chance; please contact my office via email at searscares@searshc.com . In the email, please provide a contact phone number and the screen name (SB) you used to post on this site.

Thank you,

Tammy W.
Senior Case Manager
Sears Cares

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Tammy W.,
Good try, but I'm not falling for that shit. SB was born at night, but not last night (not even the night before last!). SEARS EMPHATICALLY DOES NOT CARE.

Sarcastic Bastard
Senior Blogger
Sarcastic Bastard

Big Mark 243 said...

Girl, you know you can be soo right when you are wrong like this!! LOL

Sears Cares said...

Dear SB,

If you change your mind we’re here to assist you. I will say that Sears does care enough to have people in my role to actively reach out to customers that have had an unsatisfactory experience in hope of correcting problems. I hope you will give us the opportunity.


Tammy W.

mrs. miss alaineus said...

my real mom abandoned me in a sears outlet store for some hours before when i was in 6th grade. seriously, the bitch was playing the crazy game and left in the big van with her bf's kids in tow, leaving my ass behind on some furniture floor samples. i dont remember misbehaving to be left, but that means nothing. i dont remember how she came to come get me, maybe by the time she got back her cracker ass remembered she left her kid, maybe her mother told her to go pick my ass up, no one will ever no because no one is on speaking terms.

i think of sears as a place to park where less cars get stolen, and as a shortcut to other places in the mall i'd rather be. we often stop there to pee too. the tools are nice and you can always pick up craftsman stuff at estate sales and the pawn store- good resale value.


Mel's Way or No Way said...

I LOVE the fact the Sears rep actually responded to your response. Tammy's got guts...I think she should get a bonus for treading into these waters.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Yes, Tammy has not only guts but nuts! Big cohones.

I will give her that.