Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Here I am this morning for whatever the fuck that's worth.

Here I am at the damn office again (I feel like I live here), sitting in my tiny glorified-closet-sized-fucking-cubicle. I sit here with little white fuzzies and cat hair on my black GAP t-shirt. How thrilling it must be for you to read this! I wear a lot of black. It suits the general mood (especially in the morning), but it's sort of a brave/stupid thing with 7 cats and a partially white dog. I also wear a lot of black because I'm a lazy mofo, and it combines with everything else I own.

So far this morning, I've already flipped one guy off on the way to work. Fucker dared to pull out in front of me from the mega-Kroger and drive under the cocksucking speed limit. As usual, I was running late, too. Motherfucker. Then the damn cocksucker proceeded to hit the brakes when I was on his ass, tailing him, so I flipped him the bird.

The Neighbors from Hell have finally moved their trashy cracker asses out. They took Darlington the dog with them. (All of their pets were named after NASCAR venues.) My ass is currently enjoying a few weeks of having no duplex-y neighbors, however, it's been too damn hot to really enjoy the deck at the shared side of the house or the BIG beautiful yard that I have not ventured into for over a year, due to the NASCAR cracker children.

I am currently reading the English papers and keeping a far-away eye on the events in London. I have dear friends over in England and am as attached to that country as my own. I spent a summer in Wolverhampton many years ago, just out of high school. I am very fond of England and the English people. The situation concerns me quite a bit.

So, there's a smattering of news this wretched Wednesday morning from glorious hot-as-Hades Buttfuck, Ohio. What's up in your neck of the woods? How's your damn weather? I'm old now, so that shit matters for some damn reason, although I have not yet reached the point of my former inlaws, who watched The fucking Weather Channel all goddamn day long.

I love you bastards,

SB

18 comments:

Jeannie said...

We love you too and know that if there are pet hairs on your black t then all is well.

I have to wonder if all the crazy anarchists are secretly organized and just rioting everywhere for the hell of it - like they did in Vancouver. Is it some weird weather vane for the economy? When the riffraff rise up and smash stuff and loot for some very disconnected reason? Why do rioters wreck their own neighborhoods?

The world is in the shitter and someone has gone and hit the flusher.

Ms. Moon said...

If I start watching the Weather Channel all day, will you please just come and hit me in the head with a shovel REAL hard?
I, too, am concerned about what's going on in London. Jesus. Our peeps over there are beloved.
As are you.

Denny Coates said...

Inspired by your enthusiastic interest in the weather, I checked the Weather Channel online 10-day forecast. Good news! In my part of Texas, 10 days from now the average daily high temp will drop 3 degrees to 101. Woohoo!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Jeannie,
I love the last sentence. Absolutely. You know I love you MUCH.

Ms. Moon,
I could NEVER hit you with a shovel. I could hit W. though. No problem.

Denny,
I have been thinking of you and Kathleen and the hot weather. My sympathies, brother. Love you.

Misfits Vintage said...

I'm old now too and one of my favourite old lady things to do is to call fuckwits 'dear' in a very patronising tone, while throwing them withering looks over he top of my specs. It's fucking fab!

And I check the weather on my phone at least four times a day. I have no idea why but I NEED to know.

Sarah xxx

Steph(anie) said...

That last sentence of the first paragraph? Fit me to a T.

It's foggy here right now, this week hasn't been nearly as ungodly hot as it usually is in August. Now that I typed that it will probably be 112 tomorrow.

I don't know what to say about London... it's just terrible.

mrs. miss alaineus said...

i watch the weather channel a lot, but it's a manifestation of the asd/ocd......or at least that's what i tell people.

it's currently 71 and fair. we are both off today so we are going on a bike ride to look at houses for sale in our neighborhood. i just used a lot of prepositional phrases.

have a good dad, if at all possible, whilst at work. i saw some of the rioting info and wondered when our brothers here were going to take up arms for the cause of the underclass.


xxalainaxx

Jojesek said...

It is way too motherfucking hot here too. If one more person says "It's not so much the heat as it is the humidity" I'll shoot the motherfucker. All other aspects of life in my corner of the world also suck.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Sarah,
I like the fuckwits-dear idea. I may steal that one. Laugh. Love you!

Steph,
I'm glad your weather is decent. And "yes" to black. Yes, yes, yes. Much love.

Mrs. Miss A.,
I hope you and the T-man have the finest day EVER.

Jojesek,
Sorry to hear we are sharing in situational suckification of late. Love you anyhoo.

Gabriella Moonlight said...

And we love you...
I wear black and have two fawn rescued pugs and now one black rescue pug in case I wear white...LOL

I understand the heat and the pain of that too and I too live in a duplex but am lucky as to have a decent neighbor...

Happy Hump Day
with love

The Wit Continuum said...

Love your post so much love! Happy your screwy neighbors are gone, glad you gave one of the many pathetic drivers out there the business, and I've always loved the quote: What's an outfit without cat hair to complete it?

I too am so concerned and send thoughts and prayers to our dear London friends. It is heartbreaking to see the havoc a bunch of miscreants can create...I thought this only happened here.

And too, we've been suffering with hot stickiness so that outside is unbearable...but today was fresh and delightfully warm with less humidity here in Middle-of-Nowhere PA!

Hope you have a good week,
And love, love, love You too,
J

Big Mark 243 said...

Love ya back, SB!!

Omgrrrl said...

I dunno why but I loved this blog entry. I got a flavor of SB. Tastes like bacon and chocolate. And coffee grounds. ;)

Anonymous said...

Check this link out for what's going on in England...i, too love the country and peeps!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Gabby,
I love pugs. My Aunt always raised them. You are sweet to rescue them.

I'm glad you have a good neighbor. What a blessing.

Love you loads,

SB

Jenn,
We finally got the cooler weather, too. I actually slept with the windows open and the ceiling fan on last night. It was heaven. It got so cold during the night, I had to close the windows.

I didn't realize how much the heat and humidity were bringing me down until it snapped. I felt great yesterday afternoon. I would take this weather year-round.

Love you much. You have a great week, too!

SB

Omgrrrl,
Why, thank you. I'm glad I taste of coffee. It's one of my favorite beverages. I drink at least half a pot a damn day. It's the one good habit I have. Dr. Oz says it full of anti-oxidants. I buy the good stuff too. I figure if I'm killed on the way to work, I don't want my last cup of Joe to have been lousy. Got me?

Craploads of love,

SB

Lori said...

Oh Goody, no more shitty neighbors! You can stand in your yard and sing "Born Free". I wear black pants to work everyday as part of my uniform. I hate carrying that damn lint roller. Enjoy that coffee. I am Satan without my proper cup of Joe....Love you oodles xoxo

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Lori,
Love you, too. Thanks for reading the crap I write.

SB

Syd said...

I am glad that the crackers have moved out. They probably moved back to SC where there is an abundance of them.
I like watching weather radar. Those approaching thunderstorms really are enjoyable to see with all the reds and yellows and orange colors. Cooler this AM which is good.