Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Top Ten Most Annoying Facebook Types by Anonymous

This fucking cracked me up.

1. The Routiner: Having morning coffee and going to sleep seem to be his only activities. May share about doing laundry to mix it up a bit, but that’s about it.

2. The New Ager: Every post is an uplifting quote from Marianne Williamson, Deepak Chopra or any number of self-help gurus. Secretly imagines himself the next Oprah.

3. The Old Movie Queen: If “All About Eve” is on, watch out. Quote is invariably: “Life is a banquet and most suckers are starving to death!” from Auntie Mame.

4. The Pity Partier: His oblique updates hint at suicidal depression. Is not happy unless someone comments: “Are you okay? LOVE YOU!!!”

5. The Reassurer: Considers it her life’s work to shore you up. Signs everything “You’re a star, darling” or “Keep being you!” (Best Friend of Pity Partier)

6. Mr. Relapse: Always starting over. Thinks counting his days publically is helpful. Disappears for days and then airs way too much information.

7. The Midwestern Mom: Keeps you informed of every dance competition her daughter is entered in. Overly earnest. Exclamation mark dependent.

8. The Political Junkie: Sure that if he doesn’t post every article he reads, you won’t possibly know about it. Either very angry with Obama or hypersensitive about him.

9. The Christian Patriot: Constantly asserting the brave and lonely stance of loving her country and Jesus, and dares you to assert the same. Also hates cancer.

10. The Cruiser: Thinks Facebook is a gay sex site designed to friend as many hot men as possible and publically lust after them. Endlessly pokes. Potential stalker.


Lori said...

I am so glad you posted this. I wonder if anyone has posted something akin to Facebook etiquette? You captured just about everyone. Bravo!

Ms. Moon said...

Ah yes. This is why I never post on facebook. #8 is my particular pisser-off. I KNOW HER! I WANT HER TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!

RETRO REVA said...

OK, now i'm wondering which once i am ,thanks................

Mark said...

Love that! I am a "9" and a little bit "10" Must repost.

Mark said...

Oops, I meant like 8 and 10, not 9 and 10!

Tom said...

This was beautiful. I know many Facebookers who fall into these categories - some who fall into almost all of them! When think about shit like this, I remember that great line from the Breakfast Club: "...demented and sad, but social..."

Thanks for sharing this, SB. Yer the best. Love ya muchly.

Big Mark 243 said...

Pretty much how I feel about the denizens of Facebook... gonna share on my page..! (j/k..!)

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Anonymous captured just about everybody. A friend wrote this. I didn't.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I love you. You crack me up.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I love you back, buddy. Thanks for reading moi.

Lo said...

I hate I know why.

Great post.

Jeannie said...

I'm not on the list at all. I'm not sure I've ever updated my status.

drollgirl said...

lol. i don't THINK i fall into any of these categories.

and i have never ever poked anybody (at least not on facebook -- lol).

i hate facebook. but, yes, i have a stoopid facebook account or two. blergh.

Sheria said...

LMAO! This is a great list; I love it!

I freely admit to being a political junkie but that's because most people are too damn ignorant to know what's going on in the political sphere without my help. I'm just thoughtful like that!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Thank you, my dear.

I love you. You crack me up. Hope you are will be okay with the hurricane coming.

Syd said...

I don't do FB. But maybe I need to think about it.