Top Ten Most Annoying Facebook Types by Anonymous

This fucking cracked me up.

1. The Routiner: Having morning coffee and going to sleep seem to be his only activities. May share about doing laundry to mix it up a bit, but that’s about it.

2. The New Ager: Every post is an uplifting quote from Marianne Williamson, Deepak Chopra or any number of self-help gurus. Secretly imagines himself the next Oprah.

3. The Old Movie Queen: If “All About Eve” is on, watch out. Quote is invariably: “Life is a banquet and most suckers are starving to death!” from Auntie Mame.

4. The Pity Partier: His oblique updates hint at suicidal depression. Is not happy unless someone comments: “Are you okay? LOVE YOU!!!”

5. The Reassurer: Considers it her life’s work to shore you up. Signs everything “You’re a star, darling” or “Keep being you!” (Best Friend of Pity Partier)

6. Mr. Relapse: Always starting over. Thinks counting his days publically is helpful. Disappears for days and then airs way too much information.

7. The Midwestern Mom: Keeps you informed of every dance competition her daughter is entered in. Overly earnest. Exclamation mark dependent.

8. The Political Junkie: Sure that if he doesn’t post every article he reads, you won’t possibly know about it. Either very angry with Obama or hypersensitive about him.

9. The Christian Patriot: Constantly asserting the brave and lonely stance of loving her country and Jesus, and dares you to assert the same. Also hates cancer.

10. The Cruiser: Thinks Facebook is a gay sex site designed to friend as many hot men as possible and publically lust after them. Endlessly pokes. Potential stalker.