I Totally Ripped this Shit Off

I totally ripped this shit off from Awkward Family Photos, a site I love, but my ass couldn't resist. I just renamed the photo DORK when I saved it.

When SB was young, my ass was enrolled in ballet and acrobat classes [the Moms wouldn't let me do tap because it was too noisy and might scuff up her floors, so she basically stunted my personal growth in favor or her linoleum], and I did a TA-DA pose just like the geek above. I really only went to classes because I wanted to be in the dance recital at the end of the year. The year's hard work was worth it to get to wear the damn costume, people! And if you don't understand that, then I can't help your sorry asses. Clearly you were not named after Cher, like SB.

There is a picture on my refrigerator still of SB all decked out in said costume, doing the EXACT SAME POSE as the dork. So, I can sort of understand the glee. [The Dork's ass sort of reminds me of Olivia Newton-John getting physical, except that she'd need a good set of tits (or at least SOME tits) and an entire new face and blond hair. Nope, I guess it was just the headband that reminded me of Olivia.]

In SB's photo on the fridge, my face says a sort of grumpy TA-DA MOTHERFUCKERS! HERE I AM. WORSHIP ME. I felt like the sorry small town motherfuckers in the audience were DAMN LUCKY that I took the time out to entertain their sorry uncultured asses. They got to see SB's GREAT TALENT in its infancy.

In our small town, dance classes were taught by Ms. Margaret. She was a redhead, and her claim to fame was that she once danced in Hollywood (or fucked somebody in Hollywood--I can't remember--maybe both). Also, her niece dated Poncho from CHIPS for awhile, but they broke up. There were Erik Estrada sightings and much excitement in Brookville for one thrilling weekend, I can tell you. DID YOU SEE ERIK ESTRADA??? HE WAS AT THE CAR WASH! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? I GOT HIS AUTOGRAPH! HE WAS SO NICE! HIS TEETH ARE SO WHITE, THEY LIKED TO BLINDED ME! HE POSED FOR A PITURE WITH MY GRANDBABIES! WASN'T THAT SWEET? [Jesus fucking H.]

Anyhoo, Ms. Margaret (and don't call her ass Mrs. or Miss Margaret, because your ass would get your shit rebuked) was a little on the plump side and a tad long in the tooth when she taught SB's ass, but it was rumoured that she was a rounder in her day. Bitch had a love life.

She was overall a lovely woman, but you did NOT want to cross Ms. Margaret! She'd raised enough of her own brats that she was not TAKING ANY SHIT from a bunch of smart-assed midget dancers. She was even rumoured to spank occasionally. SB was a pussy and did not risk her wrath. I was not a DEFIANT MOTHERFUCKER like I am today. My societal rebellion came somewhat later in life.

I'm sorry to say that I believe Ms. Margaret is dead now, but her dance studio is still the only game in town. I don't know who the fuck runs that shit. They will never again see talent like SB's, though. That much I can tell you.