Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Tears Over PEARL!/Delight, Compliments of Puppine

I am having A LOT of trouble getting out of bed this week so far. I mean, I always have a bitch of a time in the mornings, but it's even worse this week, because I don't like what I'm doing here at work.

For some reason, I always think about those who are gone in the morning and upset myself. Sometimes, I even talk to the dead and catch them up on things. [Thank God, they do NOT answer back. I'm not crazy, motherfuckers, just warped.] This morning, of course, I started to cry about PEARL!. I don't for one minute think that the Moons made the wrong decision. They ABSOLUTELY did the right thing, but old age and death just hits me hard in the morning, maybe because I sit there and feel sorry for myself.

I sat at my little breakfast table by the window this morning and looked out on YET ANOTHER rainy damn day here in Ohio (we've had about two fully sunny days in the past month or maybe longer), and it's really starting to get to me. I have been diagnosed with SAD anyway. My depression is very linked to lack of sunlight. I am struggling.

Anyhoo, I sat and sipped my wonderful Starbucks French Roast coffee and decided to crack the window in order to try and bribe Puppine (my favorite cat) to come and sit with me. It worked almost immediately, and Puppine jumped up on the table and stuck her tiny black head under the window, sniffing at the fresh morning air. Actually, the plan worked too damn well, and two of my other cats jumped up on either side of Puppine. Then, tiny Puppine (she is the smallest and FIERCEST of the lot) began growling and slapping the bitches on either side of her. IT WAS SO GREAT! Laugh. She took out the biggest cat I have. She slapped that motherfucker down off the table! I love when a tiny bitch has attitude like that. It cheered me up immensely. [Sometimes, Puppine even growls and slaps at me. CAN I TELL YOU HOW THRILLING THAT IS? Well it is, so fuck you. You don't know until you've experienced it.]

Not to sound like a damn cat lady, but I don't know what I'd do in the mornings without my cats. They give me something to focus on besides the depression.

What cheers you up when you are down or suicidal?

18 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

Maybe I need some cats.
I wish you'd been here last night. I miss you so much which is so odd, having never actually met you in the real meat world, as Madame Radish King would say.
I love you MAS! (every day, every day)

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I know--I thought about y'all last night and wished I could be there. I thought about calling, but didn't want to interrupt the goings on.

I love you Mer-Mer!

Big Mark 243 said...

I think about how no one would find my body until it starts to stink and since I live in the projects, that would take weeks (since funny smells are the norm here). I try to focus on the next thing to do and pull towards it, whether it is my next appointment or if it is brushing my teeth.

When I get used to not bathing, that is when I think I will be in serious trouble. Uh, I guess it is time for me to take my morning bath..!

downtown guy said...

You've got to meet my cat someday.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/gimmeapabst/2584651488/

Vintage Vixen said...

I've only just read about Pearl and it brought a tear to my eye, it's so bloody hard to say goodbye to a precious pet.
It's good to rejoice in the small things, my dear SB, watching my cats is a constant source of pleasure as is a long walk with hardcore rock on my MP3.
Love you, try not to be sad. xxxx

Steph(anie) said...

Puppine is so kickass.

Jeannie said...

I can't think about old Pearl because I'll think of my Cocoa and I just know one day it will be Dex. Pet deaths upset me far more than people deaths but then, I've lost very few who are close and don't let many get close. Except the 2 teen suicides (my kids' friends) just put me right over the edge.

The two deaths I laugh about - seriously - are the ones from the trailer park we went to for a few years. Early one morning, 2 married people were found drowned in the hot tub, naked. Unfortunately, they were not married to each other. We knew them. Alcohol was involved.

I have SAD too. Not officially diagnosed but my doc would never EVER suggest I get out in the sun so it's not likely she believes in this gem of a syndrome.

I never had a cat until my son got this one and she's not even mine but is staying here (again). I never thought I'd love a cat as I'm a lifetime doggie person but she has grown on me. I have evidently grown on her as well. That's the clincher. I would have a cat again.

The Wit Continuum said...

I hear ya with the rain SB! It sucks here in Pa too. Glad the pusses help you lighten the depressing thoughts. I myself am a bit stuck in a rut, as I like to call it. Can't focus on a thing and feel basically lost. But reading your posts help. You are not alone. Perhaps that's what can keep you going, knowing that fact. And what about those cats???

We love you. Remember, we have to meet one day, so don't fuck it up!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Big Mark,
You crack SB up. Love you, buddy.

DTG,
From what you've said, I would dig Baggy. Definitely. Love you, bro. Sorry about Pearl. I really am.

Vix,
I love you, too! The walk with the loud MP3 music sounds like a good trick.

Steph,
Yes, I think you'd dig her. Much love to you.

Jeannie,
The hot tub story made me laugh. I love you loads. I would guess that cats would like you.

Jenn,
Sorry you are in a rut, too. I think a lot of it is just the shit weather for days on end.

We will meet, and I love you, so I won't fuck it up. Promise.

Sweden said...

as usual we are in sync here
1) it is gray, cold and raining again, so far same here we've had maybe 3 warm sunny days, the rest has been all gray gloomy skies, cold (10+ c) and raining, im getting a lot of mileage out of my hunters.

also yes what would the mornings be without the cats!!!!!!
its OK to be "crazy cat lady" i mean be proud of it, they give us 100% unconditional love and joy and happiness, im proud to say I AM AN INSANE CAT LADY and i love them more than i love humanity!!!!!

mrs. miss alaineus said...

when i want to go purchase lye and a shovel, your blog always distracts me enough that i dont follow through. you rock!

xxalainaxx

mrs. miss alaineus said...

when i want to go purchase lye and a shovel, your blog always distracts me enough that i dont follow through. you rock!

xxalainaxx

Christina @ Fashion's Most Wanted said...

I cried all the way through Mary's posts about Pearl.

I bloody hate mornings. I hate going to sleep and I hate getting up. It's a tricky one!

I tidy the house up before I go to bed as it does my head in to wake up to mess (this is a recent thing) then I get out on my little terrace with my cup of tea and try and get some daylight and look at a bit of nature. Often my neighbours cat is asleep right in the middle of my overgrown grass. At night I try and watch something funny but if I'm properly depressed I just go to sleep, I can't stay up and think about it. In a way that's better and I'm always okay when I wake up.

Thinking of you. Love you very much xx

Syd said...

I am sorry about old Pearl passing. I have felt sad too about the death of dogs and those that are sick. What cheers me up is remembering that all I have is today. Trying to project about tomorrow gets me messed up.

Mel's Way or No Way said...

We've just started coming out of that fucked up weather system. It's been hard on me too.

I love any cat with a bad attitude...I just keep a respectable distance to keep my hide intact. :) Puppine is gorgeous! My little Tippy can be fierce too. She RULES her neighborhood with an iron fist and has on occasion slapped me around too.

Hugs to you SB and I'll send some sunshine.

Terena said...

I miss my cat. Queen Teen is allergic, so we had to get rid of her (the cat, not the kid, although there are days...)

When I get the fierce blues, I turn on Nine Inch Nails really loud and dance until I'm gasping for breath. I also sing along.

"Head like a hole! I'd rather die, then give you control"

I need something aggressive, not something fun like Lady Gaga. Music is my bitch-slappin cat.

FrankandMary said...

So you sound like a cat lady.
I'm a cat lady and I wear the label proudly. I cannot even look at a cat without melting. ~Mary

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Mary Dear,
I am a cat lady. I have 7 total. I love them more than my own species, for the most part. I consider myself an honorary feline.

Love you so. Have a great weekend.

SB