Friday, August 14, 2009

SB Is Going to Toledo to Be the World's Oldest Fucking Bridesmaid

This is just a reminder that SB will not be posting again until next Tuesday. My ass can hear the BIG GROAN OF DISAPPOINTMENT FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD at this sad announcement. Sorry peeps, but SB has to go and be The World's Oldest Damn Bridesmaid at my dear cousin Sheila's weekend wedding in Toledo. Everyone else in the wedding party will be in their 20s and model skinny. Some poor young fellow is going to be stuck having to accompany SB's fat doddering ass down the aisle. His lucky friends will all get to walk with beauty. Damn the bad luck.

SB wisely took Monday off to recover from that shit. Sheila has asked SB to speak at the damn reception, and that shit takes a lot out of me. I am a damn writer, NOT A DAMN SPEAKER! SB is always sacrificing for the ones she loves. It's my nature. If SB were a part of the Donner Pass Party, I would have invited the other's to eat me first. I can't help it.

I guess, since it's now August, and I haven't gone anyfuckingplace this summer, this also will be SB's summer vacation. I'll just pretend that Toledo, Ohio, is fucking Toledo, Spain, and then maybe I can enjoy that damn shithole some.

Have great weekends all. I love ALL my motherfuckers!

16 comments:

Steph said...

I would have imagined you telling the Donner party to "eat me" in an entirely different way. :)

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Steph,
You know me SO well.

Ms. Moon said...

Well. Try to have a good time. We are going to miss the motherfucking hell out of you.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Thanks Ms. Moon. I will miss all of you, too. Actually, I wish I was just going to hang out on your porch with your kids and some beers this weekend (or at DTG's drive-in). I'm a much more casual sort of chick, but familial duty calls.

Talk soon. Have a great weekend!

Ms. Moon said...

One day- Ms. Bastard- one day. Because you know we've adopted you, right?

miss alaineus said...

wasnt toledo the part of ohio that wanted to secede and become a part of michigan?

at any rate i get to go there wednesday for a fest.

i hope that wedding has an open bar!

xxalainax

Kat Skratch said...

Have fun love at the wedding! Glad to see you're blogging still. :) Always.
Friend and fan!

Kat

Sheria said...

I hope that you have fun. I'm certain that you will be the oldest hot ass bridesmaid in the wedding party. Everything gets better with age. We are like fine wine. So have a few glasses and enjoy yourself!

Vincent Santa Cruz said...

Weddings = cameras = we demand a picture of you in the fucking horrid dress (face it, all them bridesmaid dresses are shit)...

Syd said...

SB, I would think it an honor to accompany you. You definitely would be much more interesting than the 20 somethings that are probably texting each other under their bouquets. Have a good trip regardless of where it is.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Ms. Moon,
There is no family I'd rather be adopted by, and I'm quite serious. SB considers all of you extended family as well.

LOVE YOU,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Miss Alaineus,
Have fun at the fest, babe.

Love,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Kat,
Love you. Thanks for reading me.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Thanks, Sheria! You are good for me. You always look at things the right way.

Love,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Vincent,
Love you, but NO PHOTO. NO WAY. NO HOW. I prefer to remain an International Woman of Mystery.

Love,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Syd,
SB adores you. You always say the right thing. DAMN.

Love,

SB