Friday, August 14, 2009

Sporty Jesus (for SB's Good Friend Marco)

This post is for my good friend, Marco. Marco is SB's brother in depression. In war you have a Band of Brothers, and in depression, you ought to have some damn backup, too. Sometimes, Marco and I get kind of down, so I particularly enjoy making Marco happy and giving him a laugh. You are loved, Marco.

This is Football Jesus (I am calling it that so I won't upset my brother, Nick, over in England--his ass insists that soccer should be called football. He thinks American football is retarded.).

My one question, upon looking at Footy Jesus, is who the hell is going to have the balls to kick Jesus in order to get the damn ball away? It would have to be a pretty damn boring game to spectate. Nobody's ass is going to take a shot at the Holy One. NO FUCKING WAY. God in heaven would probably smite your ass straight down to hell for kicking his Boy. Do not stop. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.00. Just get your ass STRAIGHT to hell.

6 comments:

May said...

I'd take him down! Not my fault Jesus insists on wearing SANDALS to play football! He is at a serious disadvantage. You'd think he'd be all about the water polo or wine tasting or something where his special skills would give him an edge. Do you suppose Jeeze is the team captain? If he's not I bet he's the first one picked. You're not going to look at a line-up of hopefuls that includes Jesus and be all, "Um, I pick Artie."
This is making me think about a lot of stuff. Maybe a preacher will see this and discuss it with his congregation on Sunday. That would be rad.
I love you,
May

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I love you, too, May May. And that first one picked shit made me laugh. You're exactly right. Nobody will pick poor Artie first, even if that motherfucker is David Beckham in disguise.

SB

Marco Dante said...

I love it. I was wondering too about the sandals. That's gotta hurt. BTW, Nike's missing a great opportunity. Can't you just see a line of Jesus robes with a big Swoosh across the chest?

Have a great time at the wedding. Hope the dress has some puffy parts to it in which to hide a flask or two.
Marco

Ms. Moon said...

I think May said it all. Plus, wouldn't those skirts get in the way? Poor Jesus. One eon he's constantly tending sheep, and then another and he's out there playing football with kids.
At least he hasn't cut his hair.

Heather said...

lol I think I love you..

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Love you back, Heather!

SB