Friday, May 8, 2009

NEW SB Feature! Albina of the Month

SB has a fascination with albinos (or albinas, as they say down South, where my dad's family is from). We had one albina girl at my high school, and I actually have a distant cousin who we think is an albina. [This has not been scientifically confirmed, but she has pink eyes.]

This albina cousin is a mortician, so since she is so deathly pale, she is rather startling to those who come to the funeral parlor to pick out a casket for a loved one. She looks like a damn corpse herself! She is also pretty startling in black, motherfuckers! And of course, she wears A LOT of black because that shit goes with the territory as an undertaker.

My albina cousin is a pretty interesting, if slightly nauseating, person to sit with at the family reunions. She talks in detail about the science of embalming, while my ass is say trying to take a big bite of fried chicken or eat a damned devilled egg. Whatever! SB has a strong stomach, and I could investigate a crime scene with a high-rise jumper involved and eat a Spam sandwich while doing it. I have at least two forensic detectives on my dad's side (along with the albina undertaker), too. So it runs in the blood. I am just thankful that the albinism didn't run in the blood, because then, it would take me EVEN LONGER to get ready in the mornings because SB would have to dust herself with bronzer from head to foot. I wouldn't want motherfuckers staring at me. It would make me irate and hostile.

Do you suppose self-tanner works on albinas? Just a thought. Maybe no one has ever considered this before, and my awesome brain power could change the lives of albinas ALL OVER THE WORLD! It could happen, people. I could win a damn Nobel prize or some such.

Starting us off today with our NEW SB FEATURE, our Albinas of the Month are a rather startling duo who could perhaps use a good eyebrow wax and some black mascara. At least their skin is not the pale shade of the average albina. The lady albina looks sort of mean and grouchy. Maybe she resented the photographer taking a photo, because she likes to pretend she is just an average person and not a damned albina.

14 comments:

Lou said...

My son brought home an albino alligator once..er, "found" an albino alligator once. They are quite rare. I should post about it, but people unfamiliar with heroin just don't know the insanity. They think I'm making this stuff up.

If you run out of albino people, you may want to feature albino animals.

That is my husband on my post. Years ago before he started snoring like a freight train.

Syd said...

Scary looking couple. I can only imagine being stuck on a desert island with those two.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Lou,
I am going to post albina pets, too! I dig albina squirrels.

Syd,
They are a pretty creepy pair, huh?

Love to you both,

SB

Vincent Santa Cruz said...

I hate Albinos; they wear sunglasses way too much. Who do they think they are, fucking Denis Hopper?

Alec Beattie said...

That's absolutely disgusting. A SPAM sandwich, you say?

~Babz~ said...

Believe it or not, I once stole an albino Oscar out of an aquarium for my husbands b'day. Not too proud of that but it is on my list of dumbest things I'll do for love.

I thought these pics were absolutely fascinating;

Albino African Americans

~Babz~ said...

PS, I believe L8ou's story because I stole that damn Oscar while under the influence of heroin. Oddly enough, once I got clean from heroin, the urge to steal went with it. Thank God!I'm reformed, well of that sort of thing any way. hahahaha!

~Babz~ said...

How'd I get an "8" in Lou's name? Now that's talent!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Thanks for the link to the pics, Babz. You rock!!

Love,

SB

Fishwhiskers said...

SB ... somehow they reminded me of the Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Scary!!! K x

Anonymous said...

In my younger days, I lived in a hippie community where there was an Asian albino man. He was a very vocal advocate of hallucinogens, and I assume he'd done plenty. He had the wild-eyed, vacant, crazy look, along with his Asian features and albino-ness...he was truly one weird-looking dude. Wonder if he's still around.

If I ever figure out how to use my computer, I may send you a photo of my deaf white pitbull mix. He isn't albino. white dogs go deaf if there's no melanin in their ears. Weird, huh?

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Anonymous,
Thanks for reading and commenting. I would love a picture of your white pitbull mix. That is strange about white dogs. I did not know that.

Best,

SB

Debbi Radford said...

Loved your comment about albinos and sunless tanners! Totally brilliant; must be a break through of some kind! Also visited your friend Mark's blog and see that he visits towleroad.com like I do! Very Cool. Watching Deadliest Catch on Discovery this Mother's Day. I hate fish of every kind, yet am captivated by this disgusting show! Blessings....

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I hope you had a good Mother's Day, Debbi. Thanks, as ever, for reading and commenting.

Love ya,

SB