Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Will Smith and My Batshit Neighbour

I left for work this morning and the batshit motherfucker who lives behind us, was out doing his bi-weekly weed-whacking of the yard. I kid you not, that weird-ass weed-whacks his ENTIRE fairly sizeable back yard. It takes fucking forever, and he only does it in patches, so his whole damn yard looks patchy and not at all uniform. Dipshit motherfucker.

I've written about this neighbour before, and I think he is a semi-agoraphobe, and he reminds me of Boo Radley in To Kill a Mockingbird. He keeps himself to himself [phrase for my English readers], but I seriously DO fear he may have bodies buried in his crawl space. Nothing would surprise my ass.

I digress off the main topic of this post, so I'll get back on topic. Lately, SB has been having some VERY VIVID dreams. AND NO THEY ARE NOT GOOD SEXYTIMES DREAMS, EITHER!

I don't know whether it's down to the antidepressants I take, combined with the wine I drink at night (I know antidepressants + wine = cancel each other the hell out. Don't your asses be lecturing me either! I know this already, but I like me some vino.) or whether it's the Ambien I sometimes add into the mix (I know this is dangerous--Ambien + alcohol = Heath Ledger. Don't be lecturing me about that shit either. I am an adult, people, I think.).

Anyhoo, EVERY DAMN NIGHT of late, my ass is having to make like Will Smith and save the ENTIRE PLANET from Armegeddon or some REALLY NASTY vampires, and it's a mite tiring. Then, I have to get up and go work a damn 8-hour day job. Jesus. Even Will Smith gets to sleep once in a damn while. My ass is TIRED or TAHRED, as they say down South.

So, if they say something about my productivity going down at work, I'll just take it as ingratitude for saving their asses from EVIL.

I'm so tired this morning. Did I mention how tired I am?


~Babz~ said...

Well, I surely appreciate it cause I'm KO'd at night and somebody has got to do that dirty job. I thank ya kindly!


PS, wake me if you really need me, I will put on my old tattered and worn cape. Damn thing smells like moth balls.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Hi darling Babz,
There's strength in solidarity right, babe?

Thanks for reading. Love ya.


Alec Beattie said...

Don't mean to lecture you but vivid dreamimg is usually a symptom of clinical depression, reactive or endogenous. But you probably knew that, being on anti-depressants? Don't overdo the vino!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I do have clinical depression. Have had most of my life, Alec. Thanks for the info.



Mimi said...


Wait, Ambien + Wine = Heath Ledger? Really? Ooooooopsies... Just kidding.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Didn't think about it that way, Mimster. Too bad it doesn't work that way, huh? We could make our VERY OWN Heath Ledgers! OOH THE THINGS WE COULD DO WITH OUR VERY OWN HEATH LEDGERS!!