Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Whole Fucking Family Held Each Other and Cried Because They Were Frightened as Piss of a Damn Thunderstorm

[Maybe that post title could have been longer, but I'm not sure how.]

Well, we are having another goddamn thunderstorm here in beautiful Ohio right now. And this reminds SB of a story. Actually, it's the best kind of story, because it's true and it involves FUCKING BATSHIT BEHAVIOUR.

Anyhoo, my family used to have some friends who were originally a very wealthy family from Lexington, Kentucky. We're talking social register types here, peeps.

The father was an attorney who did pretty well for himself, until he was unceremoniously disbarred from practicing law. Unfortunately, because my ass is nosy, I never did hear why the old man was disbarred. But Evan (the name has been changed to protect the less than innocent) did so well before the unceremonious disbarring, that the family, which included Evan's wife and three pretty teenaged daughters, lived in a mansion with an O-lympic sized swimming pool.

However, as commanding as dear old dad was as an attorney, whenever the family would set out on a car journey someplace and encounter a thunderstorm, Evan would pull over to the side of the road, and THE ENTIRE FAMILY WOULD HUG EACH OTHER AND CRY until the storm passed. I kid you not.

That shit still makes SB laugh whenever I hear thunder. I just picture it in my mind and can't stop laughing. Bunch of pussies.

My dog Ginger doesn't like storms either, and her ass is probably pissing all over the wooden floor at home, so that will be nice to have to clean that shit up when I get home tonight. I keep telling Ginge that my Uncle Bob said that thunder is just Jesus bowling (and evidently Jesus gets a lot of strikes!), but it doesn't help her a damn bit. She just shakes and quakes and dribbles piss and even tries to follow my ass into the 1/2-bath. I have to tug and pull and war with her ass before I can get her out.

NOTE: The Moms said I needed to add a note to this story of the crying family and let you, my beloved readers, know that Evan was 6 foot 4" and a REALLY BIG guy. She thought that added to the ridiculousness of the whole thing, as if that shit wasn't ridiculous enough in the first place.

7 comments:

Mark said...

That's hysterical. And a little brilliant.

All This Trouble... said...

That's beautiful, Dad.

Herbert Barry Woodrose said...

This is awesome. I love stories about Dads who lead their family into madness. And everyone does it because Dad is just the best and he said so. Priceless. I have a little more slack for your poochy though. Poor pissing thing.

Fishwhiskers said...

Gotta love neurotic dogs ... I have 2 of them *g* xxx

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I thought it was great, too, Mark. I love any sort of odd or eccentric behaviour.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

By the way, the pissing pooch made it last night. NO MESS. Thank the Lord Jesus, as my Aunt would say.

Thanks for reading, Fishy and Herbert. SB loves you guys!

Mimi said...

Wow. My family laughs hysterically when we hear thunder (trying to keep the kids from being afraid of it). So my oldest will be in her room at night during a thunderstorm laughing her little ass off.