Thursday, May 6, 2010

The Born-Again Biker Neighbors from Hell

The born-agains are the noisest bunch of motherfuckers I've EVER had for neighbors. The other night, the Viking heard Mr. Born Again yelling at his dog (a LOUD L-O-N-G stream of obscenities). Every morning, Mrs. Born Again sneezes and snots and yells at her kids on the other side of my bathroom wall, while (I presume) her Christian ass is sitting on the crapper. Then she bangs the toilet lid and the cupboard doors, as she prepares for her unemployed day.

This morning, SB woke up late, so was in a unGodly fucking hurry, and when I let the Diarrhetic Wunderkind outside, I noticed Mr. Born Again was trying to start his car OVER and OVER. The car with no muffler. No dice. [The car is a piece of shit with party plates on it, so I assume that at one point, Mr. Born Again got busted for DUI.]

Sadly I could not watch the fun continue, my ass had to run up and hop frantically in the shower, and the moment I got my fucking hair full of shampoo, the Diarrhetic Wunderkind starts barking and growling at the top of her lungs downstairs. I was not alarmed, since I was pretty sure she was barking at Mr. Born Again, who probably couldn't get the damn car started and was wandering back and forth up the walk to the house. What could a bitch do? I was soaped up in the damn shower. I had to let the DW bark and bark. So now, my neighbors are probably mad at me for my dog barking uncontrollably.

Also, there is no longer one shred of privacy in my home. There is literally NEARLY ALWAYS one of the Born Again motherfucking family wandering around outside my windows or even looking in my windows directly (in the case of the nosy Born Again offspring from hell).

Only eight more months and the cretin family will move.

What is the term for killing a neighbor? You have matricide for killing a Moms, patricide for knocking off daddums. Do you suppose it's neighborocide or some shit? Jesus.

11 comments:

Jeannie said...

nope - it's called Pest control

Lori said...

So sorry to hear your neighbors suck ass, to put it politely. I don't want to see you in stripes so please consider it your Christian duty, thou shall not kill asshole neighbors. xxoo

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Jeannie,
That was funn-ay.

Lori,
I shalt not kill. Laugh.

Love you two!

'Stoopid Slapped Puppies' said...

SB
Go abducte a couple of teenage boys and chain them to your bedroom wall naked, then in the evening take them for a walk around the terrace naked and attached to a lead, that should stop the f*****s snooping about.
Nick

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Nick,
You're SO SMART! I'm SO PROUD of you!!

Mwa,

SB

The Dish said...

Population control? Cleaning out the gene pool?

I hate those damn people.

Syd said...

I hope that things will improve. I'm glad that I don't have any neighbors.

Ms. Moon said...

Poopacide.

Mel's Way or No Way said...

Any advice I give on neighbor relations will only cause more harm...I need to be isolated. I refuse to get along.

Brother Frankie said...

hey, SB, they aint bornd again at all.. tell brudda frankie says so.

Love ya baby
Frankie

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Bruddah Frankie!

SB LOVES YOU. I hope all is well. Glad to hear from you!